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"Bill Gates. Mark Zuckerberg. Steve Jobs." - SAGE Carnegie Mellon Supplement Essay

tspchoo 2 / 1  
Dec 30, 2010   #1
Please help with any kind of feedback. Is the content good? Any grammatical errors? Anything I should add/delete/improve on? Is it too long? Thanks.

Please submit a one-page, single-spaced essay that explains why you have chosen Carnegie Mellon your particular major(s), department(s) or program(s). This essay should include the reasons why you've chosen the major(s), any goals or relevant work plans and any other information you would like us to know. If you are applying to more than one college or program, please mention each college or program you are applying to. Because our admission committees review applicants by college and programs, your essay can impact our final decision. Please do not exceed one page for this essay.

Bill Gates. Mark Zuckerberg. Steve Jobs. The mere sound of their names chimes the massive impact and contribution they have had in society. Growing up in the age when some of the world's brightest and most innovative business investors and entrepreneurs have risen, I have become captivated towards the business world and the infinite opportunities it creates. Thus, it comes as no surprise that it is my greatest hope to pursue business at Carnegie Mellon University's Tepper School of Business.

There is really one key experience that has propelled me towards majoring in the business field. It occurred during the midst of my junior year, when my business teacher recruited and later nominated me to become the Chief Executive Officer of a team that participated in a business competition called SAGE (Students for the Advancement of Global Entrepreneurship). Throughout a short period of five months, my team and I created an extensive annual report, produced and pitched a multimedia presentation seen by esteemed members of the business community, worked directly with real-world CEOs, and even created two international social ventures, one with Nigeria and another with Uganda. These projects, in addition to the countless days of grueling pressure and hard work, ultimately helped us to place first in the entire United States National level competition, followed by second place at the international SAGE World Cup in Capetown, South Africa.

My SAGE experience is one that really defines who I have become and will continue to be as I embark on my next path in life. The amount I learned and how far I have come as both a business student and leader has truly motivated me to study business. This journey opened me up to an unseen world, and most importantly, brought out my everlasting passion for business marketing and management. With my ability to accomplish so much in a mere five months, the possibility of attending the prestigious Tepper Business School for four years and exploring its infinite opportunities, excites me beyond my imagination. Though my prior experiences and studies have provided me with a well-built foundation, Carnegie Mellon can give me the additional knowledge and experience necessary to really unlock the many different prospects that the industries of business marketing and management possess. CMU is my ideal university due to its large metropolitan location, strong focus on academics and vast multitude of opportunities available to explore in various student activities. Given my interest and strong background in student leadership, I intend to run for office in CMU's student government. Furthermore, I plan to take part in many of Tepper's prominent business organizations such as SIFE, the Carnegie Mellon Business Association, and Undergraduate Entrepreneurship Association. These organizations would allow me to go beyond an academic education as well as develop networking connections and enhance hands-on education. Unlike many other universities, CMU has a business-specific study abroad program, motivating me to take a semester in Singapore at the Lee Kong Chian School of Business at Singapore Management University. Lastly, it would be my greatest ambition at CMU to create a real-world international social venture, perhaps by generating an undergraduate sector of the Student Consulting International Organization (SCIO). I believe this would really provide me with the ability to gain an even better sense of how actual real-world businesses and more specifically, how global businesses function.

Throughout my high school career, I have developed a powerful, passionate drive to pursue the business field. With the skills and tools Carnegie Mellon provides, I know I can become much closer to making my impact on society. And it is through my past experiences and future aspirations that I can understand the message Andrew Carnegie hoped to convey in his legendary words, "My heart is in my work".

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