Prompt: Johns Hopkins University was founded in 1876 on a spirit of exploration and discovery. As a result, students can pursue a multi-dimensional undergraduate experience both in and outside of the classroom. Given the opportunities at Hopkins, please discuss your current interests-academic or extracurricular pursuits, personal passions, summer experiences, etc.-and how you will build upon them here. (300-500 Word limit).
Hearing news about researchers at Johns Hopkins University creating innovative items- stem cells, prosthetic organs, and artificial neurons- always fueled my desire to attend Johns Hopkins University. Particularly, this one article I read about Johns Hopkins University students who succeeded creating prosthetic eye. With the multi-dimensional undergraduate experiences given to me, I want to become a professional and successful bio-engineer and help those with physical disabilities.
What motivated me to become a bio-engineer roots from doing community services. In ninth grade, I joined Parade of Piano an organization which serves the community by playing gleeful music. Twice a month we volunteered to perform a concert at church or senior community center. An old man in a wheel chair was at every one of our concerts and he always shouted "Bravo, bravo." I was so touched by his constant support, one day I went to him and thanked him.
I was shocked momentarily because he was blind and had no legs. According to his guardian, he lost his legs and sight during WWII and all he could do was basically hear and talk. When his guardian told the old man that I came to see him, he grabbed my hand and said "Thank you for making my life happy! Though I cannot see things physically, I can see them mentally and spiritually through music." This comment made my eyes filled with tears. I tried to hide my tears, but instantly, they dropped incessantly on my face. I realized that the music that is played on the piano is not merely something to be watched or heard, but that it is something to be experienced with the heart and soul. After realizing this, I practiced the piano all the more to perform it to touch the hearts of others.
That day of performance, I decided that I will help those who have physical disabilities by providing not exactly the same but helpful prosthetic eye and arm for them. This unique opportunity helped me confirm my dream of becoming a bio-engineer.
(338 words)
Please feel free to critique my essay.
Your critique will help me prose a better essay :)
Very good job, well written essay.
Your anecdote about the war vet as well as your reason for wanting to attend JHU are very well written and I enjoyed reading them.
My one critique would be to split up your essay into two paragraphs. Personally, I feel it is a bitt too long for a single paragraph and strays around. You begin by talking about your reason, then what you hope to do, and back to another reason/influence.
I suggest you split it into two paragraphs, one talking about your goals and interests, and the second your influences and the anecdotes
I'm applying to JHU as well! I wish you the best of luck
