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Biochemistry/ Biomedical science: UCAS personal statement.


essayanis 1 / 1  
Nov 3, 2010   #1
Biochemistry and Biomedical science is at the forefront of the medical field, as it is directly studying life chemically at a molecular level. This profession has astounded me as the decisions that need to be made in this career will not only affect my life, but the lives of others in the present and the future, as the need for medicine is ever growing. I will play a vital role in the medical studies that will determine the outcomes and results of future drugs and heath care.

Over the years of my life and educational career, I have accumulated great interest with science and its relations with all aspects of life. Studying Biology and Chemistry has enabled me to understand the basics of life of certain species and plants, and I have gained knowledge of this by learning about the organelles and cells that make up these organisms. I can also perform titrations of acids and bases precisely; this will be useful when mixing compounds for testing and making chemicals. Biochemistry and Biomedical science is a combination of these subjects and this is what I am looking for, to study the processes of life at a molecular level. I know that this course will provide this for me.

From the age of 14 I delivered papers for several months, until I chose to work voluntarily in a money transfer company for a year. Since then I have done work experience in a garage, worked in a friend's family business and I was employed in a high street retail shop. All of these jobs have had a positive influence on my life. I have learnt to deal with customers; handle other's possessions with care, dealt with money and I take pride in the work I carry out.

I have attained lots of work experience and qualities working in a pathology lab studying the biochemistry of real patients. In the corresponding areas of biochemistry; hematology, imaging departments, I was able to examine cells at a level I have never seen before. I observed members of staff carrying out their duties and took note on how they handle situations accordingly. This experience has made me see biochemistry in a new perspective and this has motivated me even more to follow this as my career choice with a passion.

As a part of extracurricular activities I have partaken in a peer mentoring course which has allowed me to mentor students of the lower school. I have appreciated the level of communication needed when interacting with children.

I feel I am a giving person and this has shone through most of my life. I have been part of my community and helped organize a community sponsored walk for natural disasters, and most recently organized a car wash to raise money for numerous charities.

For leisure I enjoy the company of my friends, movies, history, art and design, meeting new people and travelling. Last Summer I went on a trip to Spain to learn more about the history and culture. Prior to my visit, I read up on the cities that I planned to visit and I learnt basic Spanish for communication. I am committed to training at the gym regularly and I couple this with various other sports such as martial arts and basketball. I like reading books of all kinds, but am more inclined to non fiction as it harbors a lot of information and knowledge. I also surf the Internet and usually stay up to date with the progression of the stories on the news. I consider myself as a creative person; I have spent many hours in my shed creating and sculpting enhancing my focus.

I am physically fit and savor a challenge. I am self motivated and a good team player with the ability to connect with others. I have a good sense of humour and make new friends quickly.

I am certain biochemistry/ biomedical science is the career choice for me. It will preserve my interest in science and will help me achieve success being at the forefront of medicine and this course will instigate many more attributes in me to reach my full potential.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 13, 2010   #2
Biochemistry and Biomedical science is are...

at the forefront of the medical field, as it they are directly studying life chemically at a molecular level.

This part is vague... I will play a vital role in the medical studies that will determine the outcomes and results of future drugs and heath care.----It will be better to say something that might be said by someone who is reading a lot of articles about latest developments. For example, instead of making a general statement about being able to be at the forefront, you can make a statement about a specific interest: I want to be involved in research to map brain activity among newborns and start teaching them to read when they first emerge from the womb! I recently read articles by XXXXXX about her work with newborns, and I noticed that...." Say something specific...

Look for ways to increase specificity throughout the essay.
Also, look for ways to take out big, unnecessary phrases:
Over the years of my life and educational career , I have accumulated great
Be careful when you use an apostrophe for a plural word:
other's possessions others' possessions

It will preserve my interest in science and will help me achieve success being at the forefront of medicine and this course will instigate instill many more attributes in me to reach my full potential.---"many more attributes" is also quite vague.

This is good, in general, but I think you can get more specific if you read a few articles as a warmup exercise before revising... this can be full of specific, current biochem topics.
OP essayanis 1 / 1  
Nov 17, 2010   #3
Thank you very much.
One of my teachers did point out i need to be more specific but this really hits home of what she meant.
thank you very much Kevin! much appreciated!


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