I AM NOT A NATIVE SPEAKER SO I MAY HAVE MANY MANY MANY ERRORS
I NEED HELP WITH MY ESSAY. PLEASE REVISE IT. THANK YOU!!!
Biographical Essay
I was born in Ilo, Peru an industrial port, located in the southern coast part of Peru. A place, where some times of the year ships would arrive full of foreign merchants. My grandfather was the owner of a great fishing ship. He has travelled around the world and was always relating with foreign people. I grew in that environment, of sea, surrounded by marine sorts. Ilo is filled with beautiful marine species and birds. The people are very welcoming and happy. There is a lot of commerce. It is a little place but there, one of the best companies of the country meets; Southern Peru Copper Corporation. The company that back in the day used to be my father's workplace.
As a child, my life was quite perfect. I was innocent and unaware of all the pain and suffering in the world. Ever since I was in kindergarten I have always been an outstanding student. I was famous at my school for winning all sorts of diplomas and sports competition. The spelling contests were won every year by the same person and that was me. When I turned 11, my parents decided to move to the highlands of Peru. At first, I was totally against their decision. I could not believe that I was leaving the urban to go to the rural. The culture I was born in did not approve the highland people. We even used them as insults. If it was a very hot day, and you were wearing a long-sleeve shirt, you would be called a "Cholo" (Peruvian disparaging connotation referring to the Andean people) and nobody wanted to be called that. I didn't realize that Huaraz would change my life forever. It was there where my life truly began. It was the beginning of all that I would accomplish later on.
Growing up in Huaraz, Ancash gave me a completely new vision of my country, as well as life. I have learned a lot mentally and socially. Languages spoken were not the same, since they speak Quechua, and so were the lifestyles of locals. I have learned much from living in both places, learning to communicate with people, assimilating myself culturally into the various societies present. The experience in itself was a lesson for me to connect myself with my own ethnic background.
As a student, I consider myself a very competitive and proficient girl with an enterprising and leadership attitude. I like teamwork. I want to cross frontiers. I want to move forward and do something in life. I want to get the best in what I do. In Huaraz, I began practicing a sport that changed my life forever; karate. In the past, I was quite a shy girl, but through karate I have gained confidence and a very high spirit. Karate has developed my focus and concentration. At the same time, I have a lot of fun practicing it. This sport has given me excellent flexibility and it's made me athletic. Helping later on with my triumphs in other spots I did, for example, swimming, being my regions' breaststroke style record holder and High Jump with which I have won national games. As a black belt and teacher of the younger students, I have learned to lead by example. Karate has given me victories and failures forcing me to learn from both. I will never forget the time I was dominated national champion of leagues, in the city of Chiclayo, Peru.
All my life I have felt that my vocation is to help others; two years ago I offered to join a community service group doing all sorts of work in the orphanages of the town. In the area of leadership, I was leader of the youth's group. The summer of 10th grade I went to do community service in "Rivas", one of the poorest neighborhoods in Huaraz (Peru), conformed of "Campesinos" (farmers from the rural areas of the country), and our mission was to play with the children and bring a smile back to their faces.
During all my life the person that has always been there for me is my mother, who I thank dearly for helping me become who I am today. I would have never made it as far as I have without her. I have watched her struggle with running a household and strived to make my sisters and me strong people with independent minds. She defined my values and taught me how to trust my abilities and myself. I will use all that she has taught me as the inspiration to accomplish every single one of my dreams.
Finally, there is someone who means a great deal to me. He has, as my grandfather used to say "the strength of a mountain, and the wisdom of ages". He has taught me most of what I know. He taught me to ride my bike. I remember when I use to think my dad was a super hero, and that he could do anything. I use to always say, "Daddy, fix it." And he always tried his hardest to fix whatever needed fixing. I have always admired him. He knows how to balance work life with our home life. My father is a very competent person. At present he is studying a PhD on Business Management. He is an electric Mechanical Engineer by profession. Works at a Mining company and we have travelled all over Peru due to his profession, giving me the opportunity to know various cultures and realities.
Greetings!
I think you have done an excellent job for a non-native speaker of English! I went through and edited it; some of the corrections are very subtle, so you might want to read through it carefully.
I was born in Ilo, Peru, an industrial port, located in the southern coast part of Peru. It is a place where, at various times of the year, ships would arrive full of foreign merchants. My grandfather was the owner of a great fishing ship. He has travelled around the world and was always relating with foreign people. I grew up in that environment of sea, surrounded by marine life. Ilo is filled with beautiful marine species and birds. The people are very welcoming and happy. There is a lot of commerce. It is a little place but there, one of the best companies of the country, is located: Southern Peru Copper Corporation--the company that, back in the day, used to be my father's workplace.
As a child, my life was quite perfect. I was innocent and unaware of all the pain and suffering in the world. Ever since I was in kindergarten I have always been an outstanding student. I was famous at my school for winning all sorts of diplomas and sports competitions. The spelling contests were won every year by the same person and that was me. When I turned 11, my parents decided to move to the highlands of Peru. At first, I was totally against their decision. I could not believe that I was leaving the urban to go to the rural. The culture I was born in did not approve of the highland people. We even used them as insults. If it was a very hot day, and you were wearing a long-sleeved shirt, you would be called a "Cholo" (Peruvian disparaging connotation referring to the Andean people) and nobody wanted to be called that. I didn't realize that Huaraz would change my life forever. It was there where my life truly began. It was the beginning of all that I would accomplish later on.
Growing up in Huaraz, Ancash gave me a completely new vision of my country, as well as life. I have learned a lot mentally and socially. Languages spoken were not the same, since they speak Quechua, and the local lifestyle was different. I have learned much from living in both places, learning to communicate with people, assimilating myself culturally into the various societies present. The experience in itself was a lesson for me to connect myself with my own ethnic background.
As a student, I consider myself a very competitive and proficient girl with an enterprising and leadership attitude. I like teamwork. I want to cross frontiers. I want to move forward and do something in life. I want to achieve the best in what I do. In Huaraz, I began practicing a sport that changed my life forever: karate. In the past, I was quite a shy girl, but through karate I have gained confidence and a very high spirit. Karate has developed my focus and concentration. At the same time, I have a lot of fun practicing it. This sport has given me excellent flexibility and it has made me athletic, helping later on with my triumphs in other sports. I did, for example, swimming, being my region's breaststroke style record holder, and high jump, with which I have won national games. As a black belt and teacher of the younger students, I have learned to lead by example. Karate has given me victories and failures forcing me to learn from both. I will never forget the time I was nominated [or voted?] national champion of leagues, in the city of Chiclayo, Peru.
All my life I have felt that my vocation is to help others; two years ago I offered to join a community service group doing all sorts of work in the orphanages of the town. In the area of leadership, I was leader of the youth's group. The summer of 10th grade I went to do community service in "Rivas", one of the poorest neighborhoods in Huaraz (Peru), formed of "Campesinos" (farmers from the rural areas of the country), and our mission was to play with the children and bring a smile back to their faces.
During all my life the person that has always been there for me is my mother, who I thank dearly for helping me become who I am today. I would have never made it as far as I have without her. I have watched her struggle with running a household and striving to make my sisters and me strong people with independent minds. She defined my values and taught me how to trust my abilities and myself. I will use all that she has taught me as the inspiration to accomplish every single one of my dreams.
Finally, there is someone who means a great deal to me. He has, as my grandfather used to say, "the strength of a mountain, and the wisdom of ages." He has taught me most of what I know. He taught me to ride my bike. I remember when I use to think my dad was a super hero, and that he could do anything. I use to always say, "Daddy, fix it." And he always tried his hardest to fix whatever needed fixing. I have always admired him. He knows how to balance work life with our home life. My father is a very competent person. At present he is studying for a PhD in Business Management. He is an electric mechanical engineer by profession. He works at a mining company and we have travelled all over Peru due to his profession, giving me the opportunity to know various cultures and realities.
You've written a great essay! Now, you just need a good closing, summing up your essay in about three sentences.
Best of luck in your studies!
Thanks,
Sarah, EssayForum.com
