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Personal biography (past life, future goals, education, experiences)

bud444 3 / 4  
Feb 15, 2010   #1
Hey all,
i mixed this essay with another one...so was wondering if my essay still has the "flow"

Prompt: It should include information concerning your past life, future goals, education, influential experiences and special

Her eyes had that sparks that caught me instantly. She had a radiant magic in her smile that made me drown into her. Her clothes were tattered; her hands and foot dirty. Yet still, she looked playful. She was with her father, mother and her little brother. They had a few luggage, their only worldly possession. It wasn't hard for me to guess who they were or what they were doing there. Any other day, it would have been normal sight but that day there was something unusual about the whole incident.

Twelve years of civil war ravaged Nepal, leaving many destitute and helpless. Civil war ended, but it didn't bring an end to people's sorrows. The power struggle among the political parties did nothing but to elevate the already worsen condition of the country. Political insurgency forced the people to abandon their villages and belongings. The family portrayed above is one of those many families who were victims of political strife.

This particular incident has had a profound impact on me as it helped to awaken my sleeping eyes and made me really think about many children like her who were innocent victims of war. These children were not only affected by horrifying acts of violence but also were denied from one of the most basic opportunities- education. I feel blessed when I compare my self to those poor children but sometimes I wonder: Could I not have been one of them? I feel I have an opportunity, moreover a responsibility, to do something for these people. I know I have to overcome numerous obstacles but I will make sure that coming generations will not have to face the same injustice.

As the political instability continued, the education system was also not left untouched. The frequent strikes and violence in schools were hindering to provide quality education. As a result, I decided to go to the United States of America to further my studies. My decision to go abroad for further studies was no doubt met by resistance, which was no surprise to me as I was the youngest of the siblings and had never been away from home. My family undoubtedly feared the uncertainty and difficulty I would face in a foreign land. But I was able to make my parents understand about my future goals and the vast opportunities that lay well ahead of me.

Its nearly two years that I have been in the U.S. During this time, I was able to build a better understanding of myself and, moreover, life itself. It made me realize my strengths and weaknesses. I am more focused and motivated on my studies and involvements than before. Working twenty hours a week and completing eighteen to twenty credits a semester is tough, but I love challenges as they teach me to believe in myself and never let anything put me down. In addition, I have built an insatiable hunger for knowledge as I try to involve myself in as many activities as I can.

I still remember there was a time when I did not know who I was, what I wanted to do or what I wanted to be. But now as I have realized what life is all about, I don't want to live my life not having made any change or not having accomplished anything. Through my faith in myself, I believe I will not only be able to fulfill my dreams, but also to do more.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13,324 129  
Feb 16, 2010   #2
Her eyes had that spark that...

hands and feet

They had a few pieces of luggage, their only worldly possessions.

Civil war ended, but it didn't bring an end to people's sorrows. ---- very good sentence!!

I am more focused and motivated about my studies and activities than before.

Well, I guess you should write a little more about the specifics of your plan. That last paragraph is quite vague. I think you should make room for more discussion of concrete things... specific interests and plans for the next few years.

The writing is great, very poetic and powerful

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