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"the biological side of science" - UBC supplemental application prompt 1


sar1993 2 / -  
Mar 1, 2011   #1
What qualities do you have that would make you successful in the Bachelor of Science?
Please read my essay and any advice on improving it is appreciated :D

"Since the first time I started learning the subject "science", I have been fascinated by it and throughout the years my curiosity in that regard has only deepened. The Life Sciences, namely the biological side of science had particularly gripped me. What is life? How does it work? The answers to these questions lay within biology.

I am generally well motivated and a good team player with the ability to get on well with people. I try giving it my all in any endeavor that I undertake. I love to volunteer for any event, such as when an intra-school debate competition was held at my school. I have helped organize many food sales, to raise money for charity at my school as well during my years in the community service club. Through volunteering, I have gained greater decision-making, team-work and communication skills.

I harbor a passion for the workings of life and my curiosity about it is undying. My passion gives rise to my willingness to learn and determination to succeed will make me successful in the Bachelor of Science program. In the future I plan to pursue a career in medical Biochemistry, where I hope to be a part of new innovations and nurture my love for the subject."

EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Mar 3, 2011   #2
I moved the other essay to its own thread. Start a new thread for each essay.
Thanks for joining EF! I'm glad you are participating here.

"Since the first time I started learning the subject "science", I have been fascinated by it and throughout the years my curiosity in that regard has only deepe ned.

No good! Boring and not very meaningful. You need to punch the reader in the stomach with your interestingness. :-)

What is life? How does it work? The answers to these questions lay within biology.---Again, too obvious. You should explain several goals you have set for yourself as you enter into your area of specialization. Whose work do you admire most? Which professors at this school to which you are applying have written some great books? Research the school, and show the details of your plan.

I harbor a passion for the workings of life and my curiosity about it is undying. ---See, you write very well, but it does not have meaning. There's the rub. I know you are using your talent to express something meaningful about bio, but i suggest focusing on sharing your short term goals and recent, proactive research. :-)
Mahrooo 3 / 6  
Mar 4, 2011   #3
In paragraph 3 you have to provide the reasons of being a volunteer and how it can help you in the future or how can it return to you.


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