Aden Brown, BHS class of 2013
#4. Describe a character in fiction, a historical figure, or a creative work (as in art, music, science, etc.) that has had an influence on you, and explain that influence.
It was a useless chunk of information to most kids, an article in a newspaper they didn't read. It was a scientific creation unnoticed by the adults around me. It was a fascinating invention that captured my attention, led to years of creative play, and kindled my interest in the biological sciences: The GloFish
As a child, I often picked up random facts: the chemical formula for glucose (C6H12O6), the Latin word for running (curro, currere), a synonym for robot (android). I was fascinated by anything and everything, but my interests weren't focused until the fall of 2003, when I read a New York Times article about the GloFish.
The GloFish is a genetically modified zebrafish which has the coding for the Green Fluorescent Protein (originally extracted from a jellyfish) integrated into its DNA. The resulting zebrafish is a glowing bright green.
After learning about the GloFish, I visited Wikipedia and read all about genetic engineering. As a third grader, I didn't understand very much of it but what I got was this:
It is possible for scientists and engineers to play around with the instructions of living beings and to create new and improved forms of life. As an eight year-old, that was one of the coolest things ever(next to Super Saiyans, AT-AT's, and strawberry ice cream of course)!
For months, I dedicated much of my free time to fantasizing about genetic engineering. I spent Sunday afternoons imagining my own biological inventions. I thought about blue apples, frost resistant orange trees, and lion-maned housecats. The what-ifs provided hours of stimulation and entertainment. It was a fun game. However, as I grew older, the "game" became a passion.
Today, biology is by far my favorite academic subject. Expanding upon what I learned as a child has opened up new paths for my mind to explore. In biology I have discovered an avenue that connected the love of learning that I've always had with my curiosity about living things that the GloFish gave me. But the GloFish gave me more than just a love of biology; it illuminated
However, because my attention span was (and still is) too short to focus just on genetics, I developed a passion for the life sciences in general. I still enjoy watching documentaries on Rome, reading about black holes, and discussing politics with my friends; I particularly relish learning about taxonomic rankings (DKPCOFGS), the differences between monocots and dicots, and the process of cellular respiration. I now know that I want to continue learning about life; and in order to follow that goal I plan to pursue a career in biological research after college.
I think that your essay is both unique and interesting. You did a good job at representing your passions as a child.
It was a useless chunk of information to most kids, an article in a newspaper they didn't read. It was a scientific creation unnoticed by the adults around me. try (i think that this sentence could use a better transition.) possibly - However, to me, It was a fascinating (try using a different word) that captured my attention. it was this (experimental oddity) that led to years of creative play, and kindled my interest in the biological sciences: The GloFish
(next to Super Saiyans, AT-AT's, and strawberry ice cream of course)! I dont know what you are referring to when you say Super Saiyans or AT-AT's. If what they are is relevant, you may want to explain or use an example of something that the reader can relate to.
But the GloFish gave me more than just a love of biology; it illuminated.... illuminated what? Specify or finish the sentence.
Thanks for reviewing my essay, i hope i helped.
Thank you! Your suggestions are very helpful. I hadn't realized I left that sentence unfinished. I'll get to work on fixing that ASAP.
Thanks again, it means a lot.
I think it's really good :-) just complete that sentence which ends with illuminated...
Hi
Just some personal opinions.
1. Every para is short. Considering combine some together.
2. For me, there are to much sentences start with "I", especially the last para.
This is an interesting one :)
Don't introduce goldfish twice (in 1st and 2nd para)
And review mine for early action to Yale please? :)
Enabledowner
Today, biology is by far my favorite academic subject. Expanding upon what I learned as a child has opened up new paths for my mind to explore. In biology I have discovered an avenue that connected the love of learning that I've always had with my curiosity about living things that the GloFish gave me. As a result, I have developed a passion for the life sciences in general. While I still enjoy watching documentaries on Rome, reading about black holes, and discussing politics with my friends; I particularly relish learning about taxonomic rankings (DKPCOFGS), the differences between monocots and dicots, and the process of cellular respiration. I now know that I want to continue learning about life; and in order to follow that goal I plan to pursue a career in biological research after college.
