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Undergraduate   Posts: 5

Biology, Diversity UC Prompt #1


aleggz  
Nov 16, 2009   #1
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations

Having lived in the Silicon Valley my entire life, I am placed in a melting pot of ethnicities originating from all across the world. As a result, I have been exposed to many different people, ranging from Australians to Filipinos, and even South Africans, each contributing to the mixture of cultures and traditions that make up the constantly changing Silicon Valley today. This broad spectrum of diversity has played a big part in the shaping of my own dreams, in which I can truly appreciate the changes and differences between humans that make an individual so unique.

I believe one of the most basic forms of diversity can be found through biology, especially present in many of its branches. Whether it is the study of genetics and the virtually endless combinations expressed by an individual, or the study of microbiology and the study of countless molecular organisms that cooperatively sustain life, biology shows that different components combine to create a whole. I've found that there is a parallel between the ethnic diversity present in my own environment, with that of which I will find in biology. I know as long as I pursue an interest in biology, diversity will inherently be present within it, and thus, I will be closer to reaching my dreams.

Currently, I am enrolled in an Advanced Placement Biology class to expand on my own knowledge on the subject that will ultimately help me decide which branch I want to specialize in the future. Specifically, certain areas of biology have piqued my curiosity, including genetics, evolution, anatomy, and microbiology. Each of these topics is exposed to perpetual change, due to the advancement of science every day. Thus, studying an area that can potentially change each day, I can adapt to a new environment of study, making each day different from the other, a characteristic I highly value in a workplace.

Although I am not completely certain in my exact career path after college, I do know that if I follow biology, I will be placed in an evolving environment and be able to truly understand the links between different parts of a universal body that combine and collectively create a unique individual. Ultimately, I believe I can reach my dreams and appreciate the varying individuals that collectively make a whole, even in the most basic forms of life.

Please edit the first draft of my UC prompt #1. Be honest!

Thanks

Mayada  
Nov 17, 2009   #2
You know what your essay has, Alex? Voice.. and that's great..
As a reader, I felt that I can hear you.. and the best thing is to write so that the reader finishing reading thinking that he already knows you..

The first two paragraphs are a nice example of how to answer this prompt uniquely, however, you may have started going off topic after the 2nd paragraph.. I think you should emphasize your community more in your essay.. but I like the connection!! Being a science geek myself, I like spotting connections between science and "life".. so I really like how you think (even though biology is the only science subject I do not enjoy :P)
Jeannie  
Nov 17, 2009   #3
...You asked for it...teehee, no, I thought it was great! But there are a couple of teensy problems, as I am sure you know...So let's get to it!

Having lived in the Silicon Valley my entire life , I am placed in a melting pot of ethnicities originating from all across the world. As a result, I have been exposed to many different people (just to get this started up front...people range from areas, not ethnicities or cultures. Australia is a place not a culture, get me?) , ranging from Australians to Filipinos the Philippine Islands (a comma is not needed here because you have a sentence instead of items in a series) and even South Africans,(start a new sentence)each contributing to the mixture of cultures and traditions that make up the constantly changing Silicon Valley today. This broad spectrum of diversity has played a big part in the shaping of my own dreams, in which I can truly appreciate the changes and differences between humans that make an individual so unique.

So far so good! Don't be discouraged by all the red marks, it is the only color I have here <snicker I love your thoughts, and this is an excellent idea!

Blue skies! Jeannie
OP aleggz  
Nov 19, 2009   #4
Thank you, you guys have been very helpful!
Jeannie  
Nov 21, 2009   #5
y'welcome


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