What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field - such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities - and what you have gained from your involvement.
Coming out of high school, it has always been my intention to major in biology, although initially I admit I had no real interest in the subject. Unlike the majority of my peers, I hadn't had that defining moment where I realized, "Wow, this is something I could do for the rest of my life." So when I graduated, I chose biology as my major for the sake of convenience. Not only was it something I was good at, but it was also a major that satisfied the ideals of my immigrant parents - the constantly growing field meant there would be no shortage of jobs, and as far as they knew, all jobs biology-related were lucrative.
Upon starting college, I dutifully took every class that was required for biology majors. I had enough interest in the subject to try my hardest in all my classes, but not enough to make any considerable effort to further my involvement with biology. However, my lackluster perception of my major began to change in October of 2009 when my grandma's health began to deteriorate rapidly. Eventually, she was going to different doctors or specialists at least twice a week. Concern for my grandma kept me completely involved in what was going on - I was present at most of the appointments so I could hear her diagnosis and get answers to questions directly from the doctor. In turn, it was my job to summarize and simplify the doctor's diagnosis so my other family members could understand.
Despite the grim circumstances, my curiosity began to spread from what her problem was, to a myriad of other things - how and why the doctors arrived at their conclusion, why they prescribed a certain medicine in certain dosages, how the medicine would affect my grandma and the side effects, etc. Something as simple as prescribing aspirin for a random pain took a huge amount of consideration. "She's taking potassium chloride for low blood pressure, but she's also taking a blood thinner to minimize the risks of clots from another medication. Aspirin is also a blood thinner, so I'm hesitant to prescribe it, especially since her blood pressure is still low..." Their process of deliberation fascinated me, and what I then eagerly recalled from my summer semester of biology supplemented my understanding of the doctors' diagnosis.
It was at that point that I finally had my defining moment; biology was something that I could see myself doing for the rest of my life, and loving it. Finding out what a patient's problem was based on chemical clues from their body, analyzing bodily fluids and tissues for abnormalities, researching the effects of medicines on the body and finding new ones - all the possibilities were exciting prospects to me. Between then and now, the continual news of new discoveries and the worsening of my grandma's condition (regretfully, she had a heart attack in February) has only strengthened my interest and resolve to major in biology.
I like the first paragraph. The quote adds a lot. It's a good start and I don't see any errors.
In the second paragraph the only thing I would suggest is removing the following (I think it's a bit wordy as it is): "I was present at most of the appointments so I could hear her diagnosis and get answers
to questions directly from the doctor. In turn, it was my job to summarize and simplify the doctor's diagnosis so my otherfamily members could understand."
Other than that I think it's great!
If you wouldn't mind reading and reviewing my essay i would really appreciate it. Thanks in advance:
Thanks for your reading my essay before. It helps me a lot and I have rewrite it. If you can read it again and give more suggestions, I would really appreciate it.
Your essay is exerlent and I hope I can be as good as you one day.