'The Biology program' - NYU Supplement

So I did this over but I have a lot of characters left to fill and I don't know what to do. Suggestions are welcome.

Regardless of whether or not you have an intended major or concentration, please elaborate on an academic area of interest and how you wish to explore it at NYU's campuses in New York or Abu Dhabi or at one of our global academic centers around the world. Please share any activities or experiences you have had that have cultivated your intellectual interests leading you to choose to study at the NYU campus of your choice. [1124/1500 characters]

At the age of four I performed my first surgery. I could not believe that I had become a doctor in the matter of five seconds. With the help of Dr. Forman, a visitor to our school's Career Day, we did our best to put my poor Buddy-Bear together again. When we were done, Buddy Bear was nice and new. Dr. Forman's words are still etched inside my brain. "It is great to help those who need it." Since then, I have always wanted to help everyone and being a doctor is one way of doing just that. With NYU's Undergraduate Biology program, I will be able to study different forms of life including Molecular and Cell Biology, Genetics, and Environmental Biology. Being an undergraduate student in their Biology program, I will get the opportunity to design my own course of study, allowing me to develop as a scientist. Because I am interested in pursuing a medical career, but uncertain as to what aspect of medicine I want to pursue, NYU's Biology program will expose me to different fields within the Biological Sciences; ultimately helping me find my area of specialty within medicine while preparing me for medical school.

I like your response, It gives a very good idea of your mentalities and views on life. Also your real world experience relates well to your choice to apply to NYU

Comma req. after four, I think.


Comma after everyone?

Good. Started off really strong, but then I think you switched to more generic sentences near the end. It's happening to all of us as the deadline closes in.

Do you think I need to add anything?

You use the word "biology" too often, I think. Try to substitute it with, say, "subject" or a synonym.
I do like it in general, but maybe you could elaborate a bit more on other aspects of NYU?

I agree that the word biology is used way too often. Try minimizing the times you use it since from what you stated in your first sentences, they will have an idea that you want to get more involved with biology and medecine. Other than that, I think the essay is very good. It has a very nice flow to it from stating about the dotor on career day when you were a child, to now that you are looking to help others in the future but uncertain on what path of medicine to study. It is also good that you explained that NYU will help you frind an area that will interest you, thus, pursue a career. Best of luck to you!