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'Biomedical Engineering' - Common App transfer- Never let it rest


Bruce_Wayne 1 / 2  
Jul 27, 2012   #1
Hey guys this is the common app transfer application essay that I have prepared. I really cant think of a way to end it right. Any help with that or with other things will be greatly appreciated. Thank you

"Good, better, best...never let it rest, until your good is better and your better is your best" is a quote made famous by NBA star Tim Duncan. Tim may not be my favorite player to watch on the court but his personal motto is very similar to mine, which is to grab every opportunity to better myself.

Helping physically disabled people by becoming a skilled Biomedical Engineer is one of my two biggest priorities in life, the other being playing an active role in ending violence towards women. The bleak scholarship prospects for international students in America and my unexceptional SAT Reading section score limited my college options after high school. The best plan-of-study that I could afford was to enroll at OSU in the Mechanical Engineering program with the Biomedical option. Now I intend to transfer to a university that has an excellent Biomechanics program and come closer reaching my life goals. Financial barriers have stopped me before but I believe that every obstacle can be turned into a stepping stone through hard work and determination. Hence I have been tirelessly giving college my absolute best from the get-go, so I can transfer to a university that offers a top-notch education in my department of interest.

The greatest part about studying Biomedical Engineering at an institute that concentrates on the major is that it would provide me full-time access to knowledgeable professors and the chance to learn from their on-field expertise. I find the idea of being able to participate in all-year-round BME research with the department faculty very enticing. These are opportunities that elude me now. After transferring to a college that offers me these chances I hope to capitalize on them, become a seasoned engineer before graduation and make unparalleled contributions to my field after I graduate. The thought of leaving my friends at OSU and the university that I have fallen in love with is not appeasing. However I know I must do so because only by learning from the best can I reach my true potential as an engineer.
FormerIvyAO - / 18  
Jul 29, 2012   #2
Dear Bruce,

When transferring, it is important to be positive about your current school and focus on how the new one can fulfill your educational needs and goals. I think that you've done that, but I would cut out the sentence, "The bleak scholarship prospects for international students in America and my unexceptional SAT Reading section score limited my college options after high school." It just sounds a bit negative, and you could say the same thing by simply noting that financial considerations dictated that you "enroll at OSU in the Mechanical Engineering program with the Biomedical option."

At the end, where you say, "love with is not appeasing"--I think that appeasing is the wrong word? Did you mean appealing?

Good luck-
OP Bruce_Wayne 1 / 2  
Jul 29, 2012   #3
Thank you for taking the time to comment. I just wanted to clarify why I enrolled in OSU in the first place with that sentence. I will see if I can write it in a better manner now. =)
OP Bruce_Wayne 1 / 2  
Jul 30, 2012   #4
Oh and my real name is Nadir btw. I used Batman's other name because I didn't want anyone creeping on me through google to stumble across this essay lol


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