Biomedical engineering state of purpose

hello everyone the college i want to go asks me for a state of purpose .Please critique this essay. I really need to make sure my ideas flow and make sense.

ps i am applying for biomedical engineering

Explain why you have chosen to obtain a degree in engineering. Discuss any experiences you may have had and/or people you have known who influenced your decision

To study biomedical engineering has been my dream. Einstein distinguished science from engineering when he explained, "Scientists investigate that which already is; engineers create that which has never been.". I wish to pursue a career in biomedical engineering as it is a great way of being involved in both fields of engineering and medicine. My desire to study biomedical engineering had been driven by the desire to treat diseases through the help of modern technology. I was always been fascinated by the idea that a deficient organ could be replace by human-made object.

My first hands-on experience concerning engineering was 5 years ago in the local Olympiad where I was part of team who created and programmed a robot to perform a series of acts. Even after we earned the fourth place we kept on trying to improve our model with new parts and capabilities

I see studying biomedical engineering in The Grove School of Engineering as ideal due to the standards maintained in City College of New York. The Grove School of Engineering offers one of the best programs in biomedical engineering. The research is especially groundbreaking in many fields such as neuro-rehabilitation and connective tissue repair.

I am committed to concentrate all my efforts to achieve my goal, into becoming a biomedical engineer. As an individual I feel that I am well prepared to study abroad and successfully complete the course of biomedical engineering. I have faith in myself and feel that I am ready to tackle any academic challenges.

THANKS IN ADVANCE

I'd like to hear more about what inspired you or led you onto the path of this field. I would expand on this thought, because the prompt question asks: "Discuss any experiences you may have had and/or people you have known who influenced your decision"

To study biomedical engineering has been my dream.
The word "dream" is overused in college apps, explore synonyms (passion, aspiration) to better express this notion. The studies should be a short term goal, but your true dream is attaining the position of a biomedical engineer, so I would introduce that early in the paper as well. You do a nice job mentioning all of your goals later in the essay.

I wishplan to pursue a career in biomedical engineering,becase it is a great way of being involvedworking in boththe fields of engineering and medicine.

I washave always been fascinated by the idea that a deficient organ could be replaced by a man-made object.
In regards to engineering, my first hands-on experience concerning engineering was 5 years ago in the local Olympiad.whereDuring the competition, I was part ofon a team who created and programmed a robot to perform a series of acts.

thank you very much but the word limit is 250 what should i exclude in order to write what inspired me to follow this path?

thank you very much but the word limit is 250 what should i exclude in order to write what inspired me to follow this path?