(1) Select one of the following major fields: biotechnology, nanotechnology or information technology. In an essay of 300 words or less, describe how your chosen field of emerging technology will impact life on earth over the next twenty years:
Biotechnology is certainly a growing field in this modern age. Being able to understand the advents associated with biotechnology leads the world to new heights. For example, we are able to read blood pressures of sick patients in a matter of seconds. In addition, we are now able to perform the most impossible surgeries without hesitation.
Whether it will be ten, twenty, or even thirty years, one suspects that biotechnology will continue to benefit the community. For example, by that time, we hope to find a cure for AIDS and have better tools to fight cancer. We may also implement devices to better alleviate common global problems like starvation, poverty, or war. Whatever the case, it is easily confirmed that biotechnology will definitely play an integral role in society's future.
Good job answering the question with specific examples in the body. :)
"Biotechnology is certainly a growing field in this modern age."
As an intro sentence and thesis statement, this is vague and doesn't answer the prompt. It should be a specific, encompassing answer that reflects the body.
"the most impossible surgeries"
They may have been "most impossible" in the past, but not currently. Make that clearer. Otherwise you are stating that impossible surgeries are possible.
"or even thirty years"
This is outside of the 20 year limitation in the prompt.
"it is easily confirmed"
This gives your statement no authoritative basis. Either specify who or what is doing the confirming or specify that this is your personal assumption.
"we"
"We" implies that you are part of the field, which I assume you are not yet part of it. Replace it with who "they" are, the scientists.
"community"
The global community, right? Same with "society" in the last sentence.
"like"
Replace this with "such as."
"Like should not be used as a synonym for such as, which directly points to examples from a topic being discussed. Like should be used instead to refer to a certain general type of person, place, thing, idea, or event. To put it another way, think of like as meaning "similar to" and such as as meaning "including these examples." " - agency.nd.edu/resources-and-downloads/style-guide-introduction/ (see halfway down the page)
"For example," "In addition," "Whatever the case,"
Each one of these followed by the rest of your sentence creates a sentence structure which is overused in this short essay.
"Whatever the case,"
Eliminate this, it is not necessary.
Get rid of the "to be" verbs such as "is" and "are." Replace them with stronger verbs and your writing will benefit. For example, instead of "Being able to...," you could write "The ability to..."
Jennifer :)
Biotechnology is certainly a growing field in this modern age. Being able to understand the advents associated with biotechnology leads the world to new heights.
You have only 300 words to use, so do not waste any with statements of the obvious. Even if they allowed three million words, you still should not state the obvious. An introduction should prove to the reader that this is going to be about a unique idea, worth reading.
I think you can do better than this... it is all too obvious. I want you to research what people who studied biotech are actually doing in their careers. What are the names of some organizations that employ them? What specific projects have you recently read about?
Your essay might be the best one they see all day, but I still think it can be better if you cite some current research and refer to specific private or government organizations that need biotechnologists.
**I just found some great stuff by googling: biotechnology career
