I wasn't sure if this was too general... Please help with any comments/edits!
Prompt: Tell us what makes Stanford a good place for you.
I added some more about academics thanks to yli09's suggestions... Is this better?
Stanford and I are so compatible that if the admission process was a dating show, we would end up with the happily-ever-after. We complete each other. When I began the infamous "college process," I sat down and made a list of traits that I wanted in a school: close to a city, an open-minded and diverse student body, balmy weather, an interdisciplinary approach to engineering, an Engineers Without Borders chapter, an extensive list of study abroad destinations, and a ballroom dancing club. I can honestly say that only one school matched every single one of my criteria: Stanford University. Stanford is the perfect place for my love of people, science, and social justice to come together and help solve global problems. The Engineering Department will provide me with the inspiration and tools needed to put my ideas into action. I'll be excited to jump into any new engineering-related research projects, especially with such distinguished faculty members as my mentors. I look forward to long nights of Biotechnology homework in Meyer Library, and study groups before the Intro to Engineering midterm. Because I've lived on the East Coast all my life, I will actually want to wake up early to enjoy the t-shirt weather in December. Maybe I'll even go for a run for once. On Saturday, I'll get together a group of friends to head over to San Francisco for the day. When we get back, we'll pick up some sushi before slipping into dresses and heels for this week's ballroom social. I want my college experience to be academically unparalleled, filled with opportunities on a global scale, and amidst a group of diverse, motivated students who are excited to learn from each other. I know that I will find this and much more at Stanford University.
try to shorten the list, it makes the reader lose sight of the bigger picture you are try to show. (which I believe is amazing) I like the way you formatted, very unique.
Good luck.
No, it's not too general, but perhaps you could elaborate a bit more about the academic side of Stanford? As in, besides study groups, a club, and a biotechnology class, what, academically, do you plan on doing there? So far, from what you have now, you seem more concerned with location than with the academic quality of the school.
Lot's better! I definitely like this sentence: "Stanford is the perfect place for my love of people, science, and social justice to come together and help solve global problems" - in one line, it sums up what makes Stanford unique compared to other schools and why it's the perfect school for you. Nice & concise :)
Here's a fill-in-the-blank way to make your essay (and by extension, you) more concrete to your readers: ..."especially with such distinguished faculty members as (Professor name), the leader in (a topic of biotechnology that interests you) research, as my mentor."
Good luck!
Thanks again! I realllllly appreciate your help.
Stanford University and I are so compatible that if the admission process was a dating show, we would end up with the happily-ever-after.
On Saturdays, I'll get together a group of friends to head over to San Francisco for the day.
Maybe add a little bit about your background in these areas of study?.
I really like how you compared your search for the perfect school to a dating game!!
Good luck!
:)
