please help me revise my essay! its the last one i need before i can submit my app. any advice on how to better it is appreciated!
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?"
"Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to fly," a line from the Beatles song Blackbird, a line I can relate to. This song has a very special meaning to me. Life is a crazy thing. It has unexpected twist and turns. Things can change in the blink of an eye. We do not always expect the things that happen to us, but we learn to deal with it; the good and the bad.
Growing up was very difficult for me. I felt very alone and isolated from everyone. I was keeping a secret from the world. While I wore smiles on the outside, inside I felt very sad and detached from everyone. I felt as though no one understood me, so I stopped trying to understand everyone else. It was me, myself, and I.
Finally, when I hit high school, I started coming out of my shell. I began to overcome my secret and began to not feel so alone. Happiness radiated around me because for the first time in a while, my smiles meant something. However, this would not last. Midway through freshman year, my past came back for me when I was least expecting it. I was frightened and withdrew to my old self.
My eldest brother and sister started noticing that something was wrong with me. They tried to help me, but I would not accept anyone's help. Eventually, with their persistence, they broke down the wall I had built. They got me help and I began to heal the right way.
My family saved me. I was destroying myself. I was headed nowhere fast, but they stopped me and got me the right help. I owe much of who I am today to them. Their unconditional love and support got me through my darkest days. My parents are my angels. Their relationship is filled with nothing but love and they shower their five children with it every day. They have given my siblings and me a sturdy foundation to build our lives upon. My sister and her diligence have inspired me to strive for the best. My three brothers have taught me to be strong, even in the toughest of situations. My grandmother has taught me to have sound faith in God. She has taught me never to falter in what I believe in.
My family helped to shape me into the person I am today. Thanks to them, I am a confident, ambitious individual. They gave me a reason to dream and to want the best. I was a withdrawn, quiet child and I transformed into someone strong and capable of anything. I learned to have a voice and to believe in myself. They helped me to reconnect with the world. I now want to help others in the same way I was helped. It is because of them that I now dream of being able to help children in some way. I was a bird with broken wings, and I learned to fly.