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Blank is the new blank. What's in, what's out, and why is it being replaced? UChicago essay help

patgaws797 1 / 2  
Aug 21, 2015   #1
Is this on topic? Also, is it offensive?

Black is beautiful. Now, more than ever, stigmas associated with darkness are coming into the view of the public. Historically, resistance and unwillingness to change or to see the utility of inclusiveness have caused these connotations. Activists stress the reevaluation of outdated views, and show by demonstration how powerful, brilliant, and capable black can be. In view of open-minded progressiveness, I think it's time we embrace darkness as the new light. Public support of this mentality could help all sorts of people, even those not directly affected. Just to start with, accepting dark as the new light might help children from every background reach their full potentials in school, and even lessen the burden of public schools on the average taxpayer.

I believe we can agree that education is an investment worth paying for. However the sad truth is that the inefficiency of the public schools is unacceptable. The amount of money that goes into the school system should produce much more quality than can be seen currently. Many students graduate from high school and elementary school not having learned much, or unable to apply what they do know to practical use.

The average school in the Chicago Public Schools system spends half a million dollars annually on energy alone. With about 700 schools, CPS can lose funds approaching $350,000,000 a year, not to mention nationwide energy costs. These expenses get transferred to the common citizen through taxes. Many of these very citizens send their children to these schools, and time and time again are unsatisfied with the outcome. Logically, there are two ways this can be addressed: schools can cut their budgets, or increase their efficiency to provide more appropriate results. To best incorporate both of these approaches, power should be cut from schools altogether. The very principle of this sets a good example for students, as they need to learn the importance of budgeting, prioritizing, and making certain sacrifices. I believe any child would be glad to participate in such a learning experience and contribute to the conservation of finances. Aside from this, children would benefit from a lack of light and temperature control in several ways, and even become healthier people from a lack of electricity.

Countless studies show that when one of a person's senses is dulled, others sharpen drastically. If classrooms were dark, not only would it set a calm mood for the absorption of information, but it would also help focus their listening and awareness. Distractions would be even further lessened because students would be unable to hide lit-screened electronic devices in the dark. The absence of light in schools would leave students unable to cram information from textbooks right before assessments, and therefore, they would be more likely to review material at home as recommended. Students' overall performance in and out of school would increase, because kids would study taught concepts at home. Plus, students who can't see each other will be less likely to engage in pointless high school relationships, which can be very time consuming and distracting from more important academic priorities. This would certainly decrease teen pregnancy rates, which would then lead to less high school dropouts.

Still, obviously, in order for schools to produce truly well rounded students, they must address the development of students' personalities as well as academics. The inability to see classmates would promote a strong sense of tolerance in students, and an acceptance for differences: especially racial ones. Additionally, while the lack of heat or air conditioning may be slightly unpleasant at times, it stresses the importance of self- motivation during youth and gives students a chance to practice maintaining a good attitude through less than ideal circumstances. Students will also take the first step towards learning how to be confident, eloquent speakers in front of others; few people are nervous talking to friends they cannot see, a fact observable on most any public transportation ride in Chicago.

Many students would even experience physical benefits if power were cut from schools. Especially, during the colder months, children would be motivated to participate in gym to maintain body heat. Students would adopt not only healthier exercise habits, but better eating habits, too. With no power, students would not have vending machines to tempt them into buying unhealthy snack foods.

On top of helping students, teachers would benefit from a lack of power. Teachers would receive the opportunity to further develop their own teaching technique, since they could not rely on passing out busywork to kids. They would be forced to teach information through coherent explanations, rather than referring students to read books in class. Outstanding teachers might even be rewarded with a little pay raise, with all the money schools would save.

I cannot see any valid reason to oppose the idea of favoring darkness cutting energy costs from the budgets of schools. Regarding safety, a blind gentleman, a good friend of mine, has assured me that a lack of sight only feels inconvenient temporarily, and that the worst part is not having many blind companions to share accounts of similar circumstances with. He feels there is only a small factor of danger, and children would get used to darkness quickly. As someone with sight, I am in no position to disagree with this statement.

One might say, however, that instead of cutting power from schools, the school system could possibly be reformed by putting less emphasis on credit requirements in different subjects and allowing students to be motivated by engaging in their own interests. Realistically, this would require changing existing rules, which in turn would require a lot of cooperation on several people's parts. What I am proposing requires no proactive executions, just not funding power in schools. This is a much more practical solution, especially because changing policies is much easier said than done.

The children of today are the builders of the future. Let's provide them with the tools they need and train them correctly. Schools without power would result in immediate tax cuts for citizens, but also more future-oriented students, who will turn into better leaders for the coming generations.

lcturn87 - / 435 236  
Aug 21, 2015   #2
I can assist you with your essay. First, I would like to address that I feel the first paragraph is another issue that is not addressed in the other paragraphs in your essay. It seems as if the lack of funding in the CPS system is the issue. Therefore, dark to light is not literal but more figurative. You discuss skin tone and then you discuss electricity. Those are two different dark to light representations.

Your writing is good, but I would like to suggest writing an introduction that discusses the disparities or problems that exist in the school system and how this can impact a child's future.The introduction should help the reader have a better understanding of the body of the essay and the conclusion.

As I was reading your essay, I thought that the second paragraph could make a good introduction. Although there are some revisions that can be made, it provides more fluidity than the first paragraph. (Ex: Delete "the" before public. Change goes into to "funded". "unable to make practical application of their knowledge.")

The second paragraph starts well but has a few issues. This could be a little more controversial but I would like to help with the meaning. I once went into a school in the Midwest and the classroom had low lighting and soft music. It was to produce a calming effect and make the children feel at home. It wasn't the typical classroom but this was a school that truly fostered a good environment for children to learn. I think this would be a better way to explain cost efficient energy in the classrooms.

The next paragraph you could think about low lighting because it could foster good relationships with students and teachers. It would feel like they were at home and it would be a balance between too light and dark classroom environments.

The fourth paragraph has an issue with a transition. Instead of using Still, obviously, you could replace this with "Nevertheless".

My final suggestion is if you decide to continue your discussion based upon only dark classrooms it would be good if you had a source to cite. It would be good for your discussion because the topic can be more controversial than offensive.
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Aug 23, 2015   #3
- Mentally supporting this stigmaPublic support of this mentality could help all sorts of people,
- even those who are not directly affected.
- Just to start with, accepting darkblack as the new light
- ...or unable to apply what they do know to practical use.

- These expenses get transferred to the common citizen through taxes.
- Many of thesethis (it's ok not to express the words that much because your point is obvious )( very
- ...but it wouldwill also help focus theirthem focus on listening and awareness.

@pat, I know that you mean well in writing this essay, if you ask my thoughts on this, I say it's far fetched. It can be done however it will take a whole lot of effort, energy and countless hours of debates, justification and God willing you pull it through, there will be a lot of years of getting used to. Change may be the only constant thing in this world but no kidding, it's not an easy job to do.
OP patgaws797 1 / 2  
Aug 23, 2015   #4
Is it clear that this essay isn't serious? The point was to call attention to how issues get dismissed because finding solutions is easier said than done. This was the intention of the paragraph starting with "One might say, however"
gayu 1 / 2  
Aug 24, 2015   #5
Its a good essay overall try to be a little more concrete from next time.

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