Help! Nothing much has happened in my life - no illness, deaths etc. I live in an extremely small town where things really never change.
Transforming a blank page into a beautiful work of art allows me to express my hopes, personality, and ideas in a more eloquent expression than my soft voice could carry. My voice made teachers shout to speak up, attracted bullies' cruel jokes, and turned oral presentations into public embarrassments. I lost myself as my fears suffocated my passions for writing and drawing. Art untangled these chains and provided me with encouragement that I was talented and unique. Over the summer prior to my senior year, my artistic expedition ranged from crafting portraits of Beyoncï to Ashley Olsen.
The first drawing I created was a pop-inspired depiction of R&B songstress, Beyoncï, but it almost ended in disaster. The dark browns and warm tans that formed the shadows of her face made the singer appear like Frankenstein monster with a mask full of dark blotches. I resisted the urge to tear my work in progress in two. By fixing my drawing instead of raising the white flag of surrender, I learned that determination and patience leads to surprising success. My passion for creativity was reignited. My focus turned from worrying to improving my artistic abilities. I sketched my favorite character from All the King's Men, Sadie Burke, which honed my belief in myself. I experimented with various styles. I drew a funk-art inspired design depicting video-game heroines, Rikku and Yuna, to convey a theme of resistance to change. My picture of Ashley Olsen was inspired by the bright colors of Andy Warhol's art. The long hours I spent carefully composed sketches and used markers with eye-catching colors motivated me. The pop art piece was my first work that I appreciated with pride and happiness. I broke out of my shell and even ventured into the unexplored land of pastels. While expecting failure, my first time with the chalky pigments resulted in a wonderful depiction of a beautiful flower that formed a woman's head. During the summer, sketching formed from colored pencils vanquished my doubts and markers and a new brave attitude rose from the powders of the pastels.
My journey into art over the summer helped me regain my confidence. I am more creative, crafting ideas for imaginative drawings and stories. My recent boost in self-esteem prompted me to submit a drawing of Miley Cyrus for the section of the yearbook centering on events occurring in the past ten years. In the future, I am going to channel my energy into more outlets like writing a novel and branching out into photography.
or would this be better...if I extrapolate
She was finally going to join her brother and sister at school. She examined her new shoes as the bus pulled up. She shooed her siblings away and sat alone in the seat. She was eager to make a friend. It all went so terribly wrong. No one would sit with her. No one would talk to her. Finally one boy spat out "Korean!" The class laughed. Her first day in kindergarten was a nightmare. A different girl exited the bus that afternoon. She was pale, withdrawn and upset. She finally told her mother about her first day. "What should I do?" Her mother crouched down and hugged her. Looking her daughter in the eye, she said "Mel, tell them you are from the Philippines".
When I first heard this story as a child, I was shocked that my Aunt Mel's parents did nothing to intercede at school. It seemed peculiar to me that they expected a six year old to handle this problem. As I grew up, I saw my Aunt Mel in a different light. She is a hunter, a fly fisher, a kickboxer, a runner, and a rock climber. Like her, I have learned to confront adversity with humor and not let others tell me who I am
i usually dont give out praise easily, but this really was a very good essay. Your introduction is excellent, the whole first half is nice. I think you start to lose a little talking too much about details of your work, remember, its about talking about how this changed you and i think you got to caught up in this and as a result wrote a rather medicore conclusion which didn't reveal too much about you. Still, this is fixable, if you go about writing the conclusion with the same kind of passion you did with the intro and put a little more analysis in your body of the essay, you should be in very good shape.
You might want to experiment with telling the story in the present tense: She examines her new shoes as the bus pulls up.
But if you do that, use a paragraph break to show when you are starting to reflect on the story.
You know, if you take out all that is unnecessary and put these two together... is that even possible? It would be great if you write that your inspiration to create portraits somehow comes, in part, from your aunt.
