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My blind friends and I (common app essay prompt4)


confusing girl 2 / 3 1  
Nov 10, 2014   #1
Please give me some feedbacks! It just still doesn't sound quite right for me, but it's due this week!!
Ps. and again, please give me some suggestions on essay title. the title above is just what I made up for this.
Thank you very much!:)

Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content. What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to you?

"Who's this?" Richie asked as his cane touched my foot.
"It's Sai," I replied, but then joked, "It's my foot actually," then we both laughed.
We were at the Denver airport, waiting in a line to check in. We were heading to a convention in Florida, an event that was a part of the summer training program for the blind I was in, a two-month time of happiness; and more importantly, a life-changing experience.

When I think back, I find it hard to imagine myself joking to anyone else aside from my family and friends in this summer program. Cheerful though I am, I am also a rather quiet person. Some people may see me as a quiet girl who is always so busy with her schoolwork that she rarely has the opportunity to socialize with other students. However, this was not the case with this group of friends-perhaps because the reality is they cannot actually "see" me. You see, the convention I was going to was the National Federation of the Blind convention. Richie and I are both blind, and so are the rest of the students and counselors in this summer program. Ironically, however, these people seem to 'see' me on a deeper level that other students do not.

Before I lost my sight in 2010 due to the tumor in my brain, I had lived a life of a normal 13-year-old teenage girl; though perhaps a little bit different in that most of my time was spent on books rather than chatting and shopping. However, after waking up one morning and finding myself in utter darkness, everything changed. I changed schools, and learned to use a computer and 'read' Braille. However, my attitude toward blindness changed considerably in a positive way when I had attended this training center for the blind in Littleton, Colorado in 2012. Therefore, I was happy to return again during the summer of my senior year.

I love to learn, and this environment seemed to be created specifically for me. It rarely bothered me that I worked slowly in the kitchen while learning to cook, or reading slowly in Braille class, or the fact I had a hard time remembering all the routes and street names in the town when I traveled with my cane travel instructor. For the most part, my counselors did not do things for me; rather, they gave me advice on how to accomplish various tasks, and I went and then did them by myself. It was this new realm of learning that gave me enthusiasm when I finished making my first pan of brownies on my own, or when I arrived at a Thai restaurant with a large group of friends after having done research so that I could guide them through the streets alone. Unlike at school, we learned by taking action. In many ways, it was the encouragement of my blind counselors and friends that helped me to grow so much. My summer experience gave me confidence and independence, something for which I have consistently craved.

My experience at this place has significantly contributed to my personal development. As someone who used to doubt her own ability, I now know I can become whatever to which I want. My two months of living with friends of different cultures and attitudes has expanded my view about blindness and the world in general, something very useful for someone interested in psychology like me. People at this center have also introduced me to a new important word I have never known before. Advocacy is a necessary skill I will need as a blind person who dreams of helping others and making society a better place. I now know I can achieve my dream either as a psychologist or social worker by advocating for myself and others who face challenges in their lives.
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Nov 10, 2014   #2
Kirin, you totally missed the point of the prompt. You need to choose a specific place that you frequent and spend time in. It could be any place as familiar as your bedroom or a place the seeing people are not familiar with such as a braille library. The place you choose to present in this essay needs to help describe who you are as a person because you are going to have to explain why that particular place is meaningful to you. The essay that you presented is good, but cannot be applied to this essay because you are supposed to talk about only one place and how it relates to you. You need to revise this essay in order to better fit the question. Remember, this can be a any place that you choose, as long as you frequent it. You could even choose to write about a place that exists only in your mind where you run off to each time you feel bad or weighed down by your condition. It can be abstract if you wish. You just have to go to that place often. It cannot be a one time place or a 2 month event place. You need to be visiting the place on a regular basis. I hope my comments and suggestions help you out :-)


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