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"Blood Donation" - Extracurricular Activity


silkesha2 3 / 5  
Dec 27, 2010   #1
Being a part of the organizing team for a blood donation camp has by far been the most valuable experience for me. This noble deed took place at my school premises on a Friday of October. Blood collection monitors, scales, syringes, stretchers and all such equipments were brought in from a nearby hospital and properly assembled. However, the day before the camp did not see much of registrations. Approaching from person to person did not really seem to work. Just the evening before the camp, we all decided to put up banners in our own respective housing societies. We distributed certain self-made batches with a sign of a red drop on each one, to those residing around us and greeted them with "Donate blood, Donate life! Cost: Just a little love!" the result of which was the overwhelming response on the day of the camp. The total collection was donated for enriching the lives of those brave men who have been toiling over the mountains to keep the nation safeguarded, i.e., the Indian Army. This experience has helped me to see the highest law which is the love of man to man with my own eyes and to realize the real secret for being rich: compassion towards humanity!

the character limit is 1000...and this one is coming to 1177! I need help in shortening it up along with some genuine feedback. Thank you!
tanyasilva11 10 / 38  
Dec 27, 2010   #2
i don't think you need the second sentence...AO's don't care what the day was.

there are a few grammatical errors..please read below and see if it works.
Being a part of the organizing team for a blood donation camp has been a very valuable experience. On the day of our drive, blood collection monitors, scales, syringes, stretchers and all such equipments were brought in from a nearby hospital and properly assembled. However, the day before, the camp did not see many registrations. The evening before camp we all decided to put up banners in our own respective housing societies and distributed self-made batches with a sign of a red drop on each one. We handed them out to people near us and greeted them with "Donate blood, Donate life! Cost: Just a little love!" The result: an overwhelming response on the day of the camp. The total collection was donated for enriching the lives of the brave men who have been toiling over the mountains to keep the nation safeguarded, i.e., the Indian Army. This experience has helped me to see the highest law, the love of man to man, with my own eyes, and to realize the real secret for being rich: compassion towards humanity!

could you please take a look at my essay for USD? thank you!


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