Due by monday. I need help on perfecting and make it feel as if they know me.
Common application #5. a new understanding of yourself or others
Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others
Blue scrubs was all I knew growing up. My grandma worked as a nurse. I noticed she was working less, but I didn't think anything of it. She probably wanted to spend more time with me. I would ask her to play with me, but she was always in bed. However, I came to learn that she couldn't walk well because she had arthritis. She had told the doctors about this but they did nothing until it was too late. That's when I decided I would be a nurse. I wouldn't let anything like this happen to another person again. I wanted to care for the younger ones, so I will be able to help them early because I didn't want them in pain later.
The following week, my teacher asks, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I say, "A nurse". I can hear my classmate say, "If you want to be a nurse, you have to talk in front of people... you don't." Was this true? How would I be one if I'm too shy? It was like my light bulb dimmed. The only thing that kept me going was snatched away from me.
Years later during 8th grade, that comment was stuck on my mind. It was a Monday morning and Mrs. Noble wrote in big, black letters, "Presentation". My heartbeat quickened. No, I don't want to present! Please be partners! It was as if she read my mind and said, "You will be writing about making the world a better place to present by yourself. The best one will speak at the rotary club." I thought this is not possible.
The day I dreaded finally arrived. My palms were sweating, and my legs were shaking horribly. As I read, I cannot speak correctly. I keep pausing and forgetting my place. Once I am done, I feel tears in my eyes. The bell rings when Mrs. Noble pulls me aside and says that my essay was very different... which is why she has chosen me to speak at the rotary club. My mind screams no, but my lips slip yes.
After weeks of perfecting my essay, it was the day of my speech. My grandma told me she was very proud of me, and I could do anything I set my mind to. Walking in, I look around to see how many people are there. Fear is now filled with excitement. While I wait, I think this isn't the essay I have practiced in the shower or while brushing my teeth. It's one I wrote from my heart because making the world a better place is one of my main properties in life, other than doing well in school. Next thing you know, I am next to speak. When I get up there, I am not nervous or shy. My voice isn't shaking. I read from my heart and forget that I have index cards. I feel a sense of bravery and courage. That exact moment is when I realized that I have a passion for helping and caring for others. You don't just need to speak in front of others to be a nurse. You need to be able to have a desire to learn and care for others in the most critical moments. The ability of problem-solving skills and remaining calm under pressure, I have learned those skills now. I wanted to challenge myself to have the satisfaction of making a difference in my patient's lives, just like my grandma did. As I sat down, I felt relieved. I understood that anything is possible and it is okay to take risks in life. Since, I thought of myself as a bee because humans think that bees aren't supposed to fly since their wings are too small for their body, but bees fly because they are careless of what humans think is impossible.
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The focus of this essay is too much on your grandmother, the relationship you have with your grandmother, and her influence on you. It does not focus on the true target of this essay. There is no clear singular event, accomplishment, or realization in this essay. The portion regarding personal growth should connect more with you and your understanding of yourself rather than the approval of others in relation to something you consider a personal accomplishment.
You do not really discuss a period of personal development in this essay that could be considered notable. That is most likely because the focus of the essay was not truly on you but on other people. You spoke of your classmates, Mrs. Noble, even your grandmother. You did not speak of yourself in relation to the event. The essay is all over the place and needs to have a better focus.
If you do not want to write a new essay that will better address this prompt, use the generic prompt instead that allows you to create a topic of your own creation for the prompt. Yes, I believe this presentation will work best under that discussion requirement.