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An Essay for my boarding school application


Wrath 1 / -  
May 25, 2011   #1
hi, im 14 years old and i will be transfering to a boarding school. Its May 25th, and i was supposed to submit an application around Januaryish, but my dad just decided to let me go to boarding school around May. So that means i have to make this essay stand out, and i was hoping for people to help me emphasize my essay and help me out.

Here are the things i have to write:
1. Facts about your education including your feelings about yourself as a person; strengths, area(s) where improvement is needed, etc.
2. Why you want to come to SJK and what you feel you can contribute to the school.
3. Extracurricular interests, hobbies and sports; indicating those you would like to pursue at SJK.

SJK IS THE SCHOOL

here is my essay so far, i have not conquered all the things on the list i have to write but ill come to that later.

my essay so far:

Hi, my name is Jacob Philip, and I am applying for St. John's-Kilmarnock School, I think of myself as a person who cant seem to get enough of what he enjoys and feel as if he can contribute a lot to something he loves to do. Through my life I had the opportunity to meet many people. My friends and teachers are without a doubt the most important persons in my life.

I am currently doing somewhat average over here, I used to do pretty well in Grade 1-6 where I used to get straight A's. My sudden drop was possibly because of change, something that I am not fairly equipped to face. High School over here consists of Grade 7-12, so since my transfer of schools, I believe that is the cause of my sudden drop. I also think that, since im already in the state of change, if I join SJK, I can somewhat adapt to it and get my grades up.

One thing about me that is important to know though is that at first I am a person who seems to be a very shy one man person, but once I get to know people and are comfortable with my environment I am a fun person to be around. I am also a very straight and honest person and I understand that we all like to show-off a lot but I do not understand the people who constantly do it.

(FOR MY STRENGTHS)

Some of my weaknesses maybe be things such as writing, even thou I cant seem to make a essay tell the reader ""Look at me. I have overcome this adversity, I bring diversity, and I can succeed at your university. I still believe that I have the potential to do good and get better, I read an article on a story and learned that the moral of the story was that life is nothing without failure. You can't be always number one. You should sometimes accept deception and you should try to overcome them because the real success is to learn from our mistakes," and I feel as if I can meet my goals if I get a chance. Some people tell me that my writing is good, but I think that I judge myself to hard or maybe there just trying to make me feel better. That is probally another one of my weaknesses . For example, on my piano recital I had the other year, I messed up infront of my mates and their parents. No one seemed to notice, but after the I was off the piano and the recital ended, my teacher and lots of people said I did good and did it perfectly, but to my knowledge, I believe my teacher had heard the mistake, but she just said that no one noticed. When I hear someone say that, I feel bad about myself and just bring myself down only to do another recital and think about what has happened in the past. As a person who is a struggling high school student I know what it's like to have people doubt my abilities. It is those same people that keep me motivated to achieve my wildest dreams. Luckily, I seem to lack weaknesses but I guess that a good thing right? Another one of my weaknesses would be teachers. If I don't like a teacher, Its as if I cant do well in that class because of the way they

EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
May 26, 2011   #2
They already know your name because it is on the application, so let's not include that. When you write, include only the most powerful stuff, the stuff that shakes the reader's reality.

Hi, my name is Jacob Philip, and I am applying for St. John's-Kilmarnock School, I think of myself as a person who cant use the apostrophe! can't seem to get enough of what he enjoys and feels as if he can contribute a lot to something he loves to do. Through my life I had the opportunity to meet many people. My friends and teachers are without a doubt the most important persons in my life. Well, that covers almost everyone.. friends and teachers... let's say something more meaningful. Use this space at the end of the first paragraph to express your main theme, your vision of the future. At the end of this first paragraph, boldly state your intention.

I am currently doing somewhat average over here. I used to do ...

Some people tell me that my writing is good, but I think that I judge myself too hard or ...

That is probally probably another one ...

If I don't like a teacher, Its it's as if I can't ...

Use a spell checker!! Good luck in school! :-)
MMK - / 1  
Jun 7, 2011   #3
Hey Jacod,
Did you make it to St. John's-Kilmarnock School? If yes, i need your help because i am applying to for IB diploma so pelase tell me the necessary requirements?


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