my body | CENTRAL TO IDENTITY

i couldn't decide for a while what to write my essay about then this idea just came to me. it's just a first draft so i may scrap the entire thing in a few days or run with it, depending on comments and if i can write something else that i prefer. any constructive criticism/grammar corrections are appreciated. thank you!

Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

Sighing, I turn away from the mirror and rummage once more through my closet. There has to be something in here that won't make me look as big as I am. Something to hide the excess around my stomach and sides. Looking back at myself once last time, I slam the closet door and blink back tears. That feat is impossible.

Since I could remember, I was the "fat girl". At school, I would stand out from my classmates because of my size. Offhanded comments would be passed around about the flabbiness of my body would pierce me like bullets. Romantic pursuits were out of the question. I dreaded going to the doctor in fear of stepping on the scale and seeing those number rise and getting a stern lecturing about how I need to stay healthy and exercise.

Years of shame about my weight pushed my self-esteem into the ground. Failed diets and unsuccessful results from exercise left me hopeless. At 18, I am familiar with the word "obese" as that's what doctors label me. I have never been seen in shorts or, god forbid, a bathing suit. My wardrobe consists of jeans and shirts baggy enough to conceal the pudge I've always had.

Looking at magazines leads me to dream of looking like the thin women adorning the cover. Then I think, why is it that I have to live full of self-loathing because of who I am; what I look like? Is it because I truly am undesirable or because of the skewed view of beauty that society has? Every day, we see ads full of young, skinny women living life to the fullest, while fat girls are picked on and spend their nights locked away at home because the world tells them they are not wanted. What is so wrong with being fat that makes everyone run away screaming at the mere sight of someone large?

I know that I may never look like the women in magazines or models strutting down the runway, but that does not mean that I will never be beautiful. My body will not be angular planes and tight firm skin, but soft curves. My thighs will never have a gap between them; they will touch and rub together when I walk or sit. The constant storm clouds raining doubt and body issues will be fought and torn until I look in the mirror and smile at what I see instead of cringe. Until I can point out my flaws and learn to love them instead of crying that I will never be perfect.

I will always be the fat girl. And that's okay.

You've written a wonderful piece. It's touching. I'm curious to know whether it's true.

I liked it so much that I decided to help you improve the flow. Below you will find my suggestions on possible ways to rephrase your paragraphs. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask me.


I sigh as I turn away from the mirror and rummage through my closet again. There has to be something in here that won't make me look as big as I am. Something to hide my stomach. After slamming the closet door, I slowly turn to face myself in the mirror. All I see is a fat girl crying.


I've always considered myself a fat girl. In school, I stood out from the rest of my classmates. I darted through hallways just to avoid hearing people tease me about my flabby body. No one loved me.


I did everything I could to lose weight, from dieting to exercising, but each failure succeeded in destroying my self-esteem. Doctors told me I'm obese. They would heave me onto a scale and then proceed to chastise me about the need to stay healthy. They can wear shorts and attractive bathing suits. They don't have to wear jeans and baggy shirts every day to hide unsightly folds and deep crevices.


My gaze remains transfixed on the magazine covers of thin women in sexy lingerie. Why do I do this to myself? Why do I feel so sorry for who I am and what I look like? Does society really think I'm undesirable? I'm not alone. There are many women out there who live their lives locked away at home, too afraid to be seen by the world.


Yes, it's unlikely that I'll ever be able to look like the models on magazines, who strut down runways in sexy lingerie. However, that doesn't mean I can never be beautiful in my own way. Instead of angular planes and firm skin, I have soft curves. Instead of gaps between my thighs, I have ones that caress.

Until I can look in the mirror and smile at what I see, I will always have storm clouds over my head. Instead of constantly pointing out my flaws, I have to learn to accept them. I have to learn to love them because I will never be that kind of woman.


I'm fat, and that's okay.

Thank you very much for reading my essay, BachChaconne2. After posting I realized I had a lot of grammatical errors (this is why you always read your drafts wow) but I really appreciate the feedback for the flow and re-wording of my sentences, I'm definitely going to be taking them into consideration to make my essay better.

I'm glad you liked it, too. It is definitely a true story, I've been struggling with weight issues my entire life so that's why I chose this topic to make my essay about. Again, thanks for the great feedback!