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The Body I Love - University of Chicago Extended essay


zainob 2 / 5  
Dec 26, 2009   #1
The Prompt: How Did You Get Caught Or Not Caught as the Case may be?

one or two pages.

The Body I Love

Fad diets, supplement pills, numerous gyms, varieties of green tea and slimming tea, the forceful morning 5-mile runs. None of them worked, like I even wanted them to. Since I was much younger I was always the tallest and heaviest girl. I would cry my self to sleep every night until the 10th grade. My mom always tried to "help me" or "fix me" did I need to be fixed? I wasn't not morbid, But, I simply wasn't a size -5 like the world and my mom wanted me to be.

"You have a very beautiful face. Just drop down to a size 12 or 14" Blah. Blah. Blah.
* * * * Ephaiany * * * *
I didn't care, I still don't care and I will never care. People never understood why it never bothered me. Why would it? I'm only a size 18, and I'm healthier than half the girls who are naturally slimmer than me. I had even been asked in the 9th grade if the fat in my body affected the way I thought. They called me naïve. Naïve? Am I supposed to conform to the norms? Is everyone supposed to be skinny like in magazines? I would come home from school during summer and Christmas or see people I hadn't seen in a long time, and the first thing would be "Did you lose weight" or "Do you go to the gym at school"?

Most of my friends looked up to me, and still do. I never let anyone bring me down, I never let the words get to me. It's so pointless. When I become the Minister of Health of Nigeria, or Lebron Jame's wife, or even the Queen of Saudi Arabia will it matter? I have big dreams, and my weight will never and should never come in the way of that. Once again, will my size matter? I've tried my best to help others who are plus-sized become healthy and not lose weight. However, society is cruel and sends off messages into the robots we are and tells us what to do. Who sets the standards for what people should look like?

Like Baby Suggs, holy from Beloved, I believe people of different shapes and sizes should embrace the body their in. This message is one that has been passed along for a while, but is never taken into consideration, however, there are quite a few people just as myself, who will never be caught crying over hurtful words from ignorant people. Drop a few pounds? I'd rather die.

z4evafoolz 7 / 31  
Dec 26, 2009   #2
Hello Zee again :)

Epiphany is spelt like that <-----------------

SinceWhen I was much younger, I was always the tallest and heaviest girl.

Very Strong and compelling essay!!!! GREAT ending.

There are some grammar mistakes that hinder your expression, and I think you lost it completely on your last two sentences. You have answered the question all throughout until the end, but it wasn't very explicit on the last two sentences:

"This message is one that has been passed along for a while, but is never taken into consideration, however, there are quite a few people just as myself, who will never be caught crying over hurtful words from ignorant people. Drop a few pounds? I'd rather die."

I understand that you're trying to say that you were not caught crying over hurtful words from ignorant people. Just bring that out more explicitly.

For example:
"This message is one that has been passed along for a while, but is never taken into consideration. I for one was never caught (EXPLICIT) over these hurtful words from ignorant people. Drop a few pounds? I'd rather die."

As I said before, fixing a few grammar mistakes and tweaking the ending a bit will make this one of the strong essays :).

Goodluck, and it's up to you whether to use or to ignore my feedbacks :)


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