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Bogota streets / Human body / Help through work - NYU supplements

Colombiankid94 1 / 4 2  
Dec 30, 2012   #1
-Q:Tell us why you have chosen the above campus (using a maximum of 700 characters-spaces and punctuation included).

A: I've lived in different atmospheres throughout my life; from the culture filled streets of Bogota, to the calm conservative town of Norcross. These shifts have shaped me into a better person by granting me the skill of a better world view. But, there are other lifestyles out there, and NYU is the best place where I can enhance this skill. To start off, the campus is in New York City, giving me a spoon full of an urban atmosphere. I want to see the tall bright buildings that fill the night sky and I want to share it with 8 million people that run this city. NYU doesn't stop there; it grants students the opportunity to explore other cultures as well with its massive study abroad program in multiple countries.

Q:NYU's global network provides students with hundreds of academic areas of interest for students to cultivate their intellectual curiosity and to help achieve their career goals. Whether you are entirely undecided about your academic plans or you have a definitive program of study in mind, what are your own academic interests? Feel free to share any thoughts on any particular programs or how you might explore those interests at NYU on any of our campuses

A:Time and again throughout my life I have found myself sickened with the malevolent emotions that run the human body. Rage, envy, and disperse comes into a person's life unexpectedly only to destroy everything they care for. During a research paper I did on Otto Loewi and neuroscience for my IB psychology class, I found myself mesmerized on the chemical compounds that are neurotransmitters. These compounds are constantly flowing inside of our brain and it account for almost all of our actions, thoughts, and emotions. Through this, I know that if a person is able to control the neurotransmitters that run through his or her brain, then he or she could theoretically control whether or not to feel rage, envy, and/or despair. Neurology is a fascinating field and it's growing in an astonishing rate. There is no better place to peruse my doctorates career than at NYU. Your CNS (Center of Neural Science) program in the arts and science campus is ranked as one of the highest in the nation; giving me the perfect opportunity to expand on my knowledge of neurotransmitters while also giving me the resources for me to start in my personal study of controlling unstable emotions. NYU also has some of the world leading neurologist as professors, like Rodolfo LlinĂĄs. I have read a few of his studies and I would be honored to learn from this Colombian genius. I have seen through personal experiences how emotions can get the best of people. That is why I feel so drawn to neurology; I want to help people that cannot control there vicious emotions through medical science that is neurology.

Q:What intrigues you? Tell us about one work of art, scientific achievement, piece of literature, method of communication, or place in the world (a film, book, performance, website, event, location, etc.), and explain its significance to you.

A:It never seizes to intrigue me how the work of a person could help so many people that are in need, and that because of it their will live on in legacy. There is one specific scientific achievement that I always think about as I transition into the medical field. I was a very young boy when my mom took me to our local doctor's office in Bogota. As I sat impatiently next to my mom, I looked around the doctor's office and saw a poster that immediately grabbed my attention. It was of a cartoon scientist holding a giant syringe as a sword, and he was battling this huge grotesque looking mosquito. As I was staring at the poster, the doctor came in called my mom and I in to her office. We were talking about how frightening it would be if those huge mosquitos were real. "AHYAYAI!!!!", I screamed as the doctor secretly injected a vaccine into my arm. I was crying so obnoxiously and uncontrollably that my mom didn't know what to do. So the doctor came to me and then told me to follow her back to the poster I was recently looking at. She pointed at the valiant warrior and told me "Este caballero es Manuel Elkin Patarroyo" she then explained to me that it's people like him that we have medicine that protects us from giant mosquitos and other monsters. After that, I sat back down to take the rest of my shots. Looking back on Elkin, I respect him and his ability to find the cure for malaria. His name is a legacy all over Colombia, and he inspires anyone to achieve great things.
ticklelisaelmo 8 / 42 3  
Dec 30, 2012   #2
get rid of time and again for the second essay.Also i dont think it should be "your" perhaps its? or the?
the next essay, I think that you should just jump right into it. the little intro is unnecessary.

Overall, your answers to the essays are good. :)

Read mine, also applying to NYU! :)
OP Colombiankid94 1 / 4 2  
Dec 30, 2012   #3
ahhh yea i was struggling between the "your" and "its" thanks
Karla281995 6 / 15 1  
Dec 30, 2012   #4
1. contraction-I've

But, there are other lifestyles out there,
I started at the end the prompt and noticed that you're a good writer. This sentence could be stronger. Yes, WE KNOW there are other lifestyles. Make this about you. Say something like, "I was hungry for other lifestyles" blah blah

NYU is the best place where I can enhance this skill.
For a better word choice, you can probably cross out "skill" and describe another reason why NYU would be a good match like, I can enhance my creativity...

as well withas its massive study abroad program
Word choice with massive. Influential?

2. and it accounts for almost all


That is whyThus, I feel so drawn to neurology

I want to help people that cannot control there vicious emotions through medical science- that is neurology.

3. and that because of it, their will live on in legacy.

Makes sure to take out contractions. For some reason we ignore that rule because it changes the flow of everything.
Overall, great job! Minor fixes. I'm not the best writer so don't feel discouraged. great job with the last part. I haven't seen much "what intrigues you?"

Can you help me with mine?

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