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Being in a book club - only 150 words =)


gynn92 3 / 30  
Dec 30, 2009   #1
Hello =)
Any suggestions? Be harsh! I will take a look at your essay too. =) Thank you!

The fresh scent of paper and the sound of the turning pages welcome me. There is no other activity that quenches my thirst for knowledge more than curling up by the fireplace to read. Every week, the Literature Club members and I gather around to select a book. Last week, I was introduced to Jane Eyre. I instantly connect with Jane, as I have struggled to find my place of belonging in America. I realize Jane and I overcame obstacles in similar manners. As the members and I share our conceptions, different perspectives of the novel are assimilated. Not only am I able to connect with the character, but I also acquire the opinions of the others. Participating in a book club has provided me with pleasure, knowledge, and inspiration to communicate with others intellectually. Our next victim is Emma. I cannot wait to hear how the members regard the proud, but kind and passionate Emma...
zahras93 1 / 20 2  
Dec 30, 2009   #2
Hi,

Its a well-written short essay.
I love how you end it - seems mysterious.
But

The fresh scent of paper and the sound of the turning pages welcome me.

Try to replace 'welcome me' with something else. I feel that its not the right word to use. You can try pleases me or soothes your vexed nerves.. Try something.

The rest is all good!

Please have a look on my essay:

Good Luck & Thanks
vincentcanlas 6 / 22  
Dec 30, 2009   #3
I understand the usage of "Jane" instead of the more formal and appropriate "Eyre." You want to make it as if you really know her and you are WITH her. I get the point but I do not know if the AdCom will take that as something good.. or not.

I think you should talk more about how it has changed you as a person and how it makes you a better you.

Also with the Emma. I know your goal of writing this way.. but it would be better (?) to clarify her identity a bit. ;)

If you have time, please take a look at mine. Thanks!
ekfoong 10 / 46  
Dec 30, 2009   #4
I quite like it.

I instantly connected with Jane

Also... when you first described emma as a victim I was a bit... scared?

**I suggestion to make it better. elaborate on the profound connection you feel with reading. I mean there has to be a deeper, ethereal connection between you and literature in order for you to write about it. I feel like you're soooo close, but not quite there!

Ideally I'd like you to read my Jerome Fisher M&T essay but it's about 4 times longer than your essay... so I won't make you read it :)

hope I helped!
Emily.
Wanderer_x 5 / 88  
Dec 30, 2009   #5
As the members and I share our conceptions, different perspectives of the novel are assimilated

In place of "members and I", we should suffice. Or better "As we bring forth our ideas and interpretations of the novel, different perspectives are assimilated."

I still find the last part somewhat akwardly worded.

Rest is good.

Will you help me with my Bard supp? I m afraid its a bit longer.


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