Hello, this is an answer to a college application question. Can you please give me some advice on the contents and on how to stand out? Thanks a lot!!!
Promise to give feedback to those who have helped!!! I really appreciate your time!!!!
Recently, I read the book Lost Horizon, a story about a British veteran Conway's experience in Shangri-La: a fictitious land of peace where local people are long-lived and satisfied.
While most people were touched by the beautiful scene, abundant and valuable resources, the longevity and the happiness one could pursue in Shangri-La, I was impressed by the belief that showed by the characters High Lama, or Perrault, and Miss Brinklow. Both of them came to Shangri-La by chance, and suffered from altitude sickness and other challenges. Yet they overcame all of their difficulties and decided to stay and do missionary work.
With the help from the villagers, Perrault recovered quickly, and started to preach. He even rebuilt the old temple and turned it into a Christian monastery. He also wrote a detailed report opposing the halting of local Buddhism and translated a book after he taught himself English. Through his effort, he found a way to slow the aging process and made Shangri-La a peaceful, happy and harmonious place
Miss Brinklow, who came to Shangri-La with Conway the British veteran, later changed her mind and decided to stay at Shangri-La to spread Christianity to the local people and learn to speak Tibetan language. In this isolated place, she found her own mission and fulfilled her life, unlike another passenger, Mallinson, who was impatient and aggressive and only wanted to leave.
Perrault and Miss Brinklow impressed me by their strong desire to devote themselves to missionary work despite great difficulty. This reminds me of the movie The Matrix. In the movie, Neo, the One, who believing in himself, overcame his fear for death and his doubts in his ability to save the world, became unbeatable and saved Zion City. Morpheus, Neo's talent scout, believed in the oracle and trained Neo despite other's opposition. Captain Niobe, believing in Neo, decided to give her ship to Neo at a very moment of the war between humans and computers when she knew that it might be a waste of equipment and could be vital to Zion's survival. All these people faced challenging tasks in their job, yet they did not give up and advanced bravely, with the support from their belief. With the belief, they could overcome the obstacles and have motives and strengths; they actually fear adversities no more.
Sometimes it is not because we have no goals for life, or not hard-working enough that we cannot achieve success, it is just that we cannot preserve--or, at least cannot preserve on our own. When this situation appears, the importance of belief showed. With belief one might be restrained by some rules, but he/she will be largely free and motivated, and with no fears. By believing in something, which might not necessary be a god, we will have an internal eternal strength supporting us, encouraging us when we are down. This is the strength of belief.
While living in an environment in which females are not encouraged to learn machines, robots, technologies and other things about science and engineering, my dream of becoming an engineer propels me to go further. My dream has become my belief and supports me to face others' surprise and comments. I believe that I could make my dream come true.
I didn't really understand the task but I loved your essay. It shows your unique way of thinking and your philosophy.
However I think you should reduce the part where you describe the plot, your impression of it is much more important. And maybe you should show your essay to someone who has read this book, so you get the better feedback.
As far as I can see, this is a good essay
I'm curious as to what exactly the prompt was for your essay, because I think it would help me to better understand how well it answers the question.
Besides that, I think it's unique and I like how you tied together two very different works under a common theme. I agree with justlerik to shorten the plot description and perhaps reflect on your own thoughts a bit.
Also, "I was impressed by the belief that showed by the characters High Lama
, or Perrault, and Miss Brinklow." I think it should be something like "impressed by the belief that was shown through the characters High Lama, or Perrault, and Miss Brinklow." In addition,
it is just that we cannot preserve--or, at least cannot preserve on our own.
Preserve should be persevere I believe. Hope this helps a little!