I'd appreciate it if you all could take a look at this and tell me if it's any good.
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There is a place I know that is full of the impossible, the beautiful, the wonderful. It holds many secrets tucked away in the corners, stories to be unburied, unspoken truths. It is a place where I can play during times of boredom or in sleepless nights without worry of discovery or danger. The best part? I need go no further than my own mind.
The first (intentional) escapades in my mind began as I started reading. I constantly rewrote the stories I had read or heard, eventually taking the basic mold and shaping it into a playroom for my own amusement. I could spend hours leading friends through the worlds I had grown, frolicking in the yard with only the limits of my imagination holding me back.
As I grew up, I saw my friends begin to shun our pretend worlds and turn towards other games, but I chose to let my game grow. Years passed and I started writing stories from scratch-all in my head-and, when I had a dull moment, continued to explore them, bringing them to life as they filled with detail until I could get lost and simply wander for ages, questing about for something new to add until everything was in place.
Although many people my age refuse to encourage their imaginations-believing that such behavior is childish-television or movies to entertain them, I have learned that the imagination gives one the chance to test the limits of his endurance.
Word count and word limit? But other than that I think this is a great essay. I think you should remove the (intentional) part because I don't understand the point of it. Also, I think you should rephrase the first sentence somehow to make it an active voice.
Word count: 249, Word limit: 250
I agree with your "(intentional)" comment: I included it because of a friend's comment, but I don't like. So I will remove it.
I've tried to have the first sentence in the active voice, but it loses its somewhat dreamy tone, I think...I'm not sure what to do with that.
Thanks for your help!
I think the (intentional) part can be removed and you'd write a more specific description about your imagination world. A good essay.
...have learned that the imagination gives one the chance to test the limits of his her endurance.---Let's use the female pronoun to make up for centuries of overusing the male pronoun. Also, I got rid of "the" before imagination; do you like it that way?
Okay, and now let's look at the rest of the sentence:
Although many people my age refuse to encourage their imaginations-believing that such behavior is childish- and use television or movies to entertain themselves , I have learned that the imagination gives one the chance to test the limits of his endurance.
:-) Nice! Google this: imagery words.
Add some to the essay. Draw the reader in with imagery words and action verbs.
