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Books and social issues - Essay about UWC (2022-2024) application

Prity 1 / 1  
Dec 20, 2021   #1

My UWC (2022-2024) application essay

I am going to apply for UWC 2022-2024. Here is an essay I wrote as my personal statement. Please review this and feel free to show the mistakes I've done.

A personal statement (within 300 words) explaining why you are interested in attending a UWC school/college and reflecting on UWC's mission and values, what you might contribute to the school/college and what you would hope to gain from the experience.

Since reading books is one of my favourite leisure activities, I could learn only a little of the increasingly diverse and multicultural world through books. That little learning made me more curious to know about this diverse world and various cultures, which I think I'll be able to learn from people who will come to UWC from different cultural backgrounds. Also, UWC's mission made me realize that education is still a way to gather real knowledge and bring good changes in the world, rather than making it a route to get a good job or salary. Because of the thrill of getting out of my comfort zone, breaking down barriers I had and discovering the world from a different perspective, I'm interested in UWC.

From childhood, I have been deeply concerned about social issues and how I can bring changes in the world. I read a lot about social issues, so I think I'll be able to raise awareness of global issues and make changes in the world along with other students. Besides, as I have the experience of teaching some people with different backgrounds, I have the skills to take students from different backgrounds and bring them together.

I have goals on which I would like to work on such as, the food and the education system. As UWC inspires students to work on their passion and offer so many recourses, I think this will help me to achieve my goal. In addition, I will gain experience like dealing with people from different backgrounds and skills like how to make a difference, leadership, public discourse from UWC. These skills and experiences will assist me in achieving my goal. I also hope that I will be able to reflect the knowledge I will get from UWC in my country.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,303 3989  
Dec 21, 2021   #2
I think

Why aren't you sure of your response? Change this to "I will" because you are not being asked to suppose but rather, to tell the reviewer with certainty.

raise awareness of global issues and make changes

How do you show evidence of these activities within your community? Can these activities be translated into a college campus or volunteer club / society setting for the other students you will be interacting with?

I have the experience of teaching some people with different backgrounds

A solid example would help illustrate this highly important point of your discussion presentation. Make sure that it can be applicable to a college volunteer setting.

I think this will help me to achieve my goal

There you go again with the uncertainty. Be definite. UWC will help you achieve the goals.

There is a need for you to revise certain aspects of this presentation due to the required sample references. You may need to rework the whole essay in order to accomodate the necessary changes.
OP Prity 1 / 1  
Dec 21, 2021   #3

thank you so much for your kind information. I will work more on the essay to make it better.

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