Why aren't you sure of your response? Change this to "I will" because you are not being asked to suppose but rather, to tell the reviewer with certainty.
raise awareness of global issues and make changes
How do you show evidence of these activities within your community? Can these activities be translated into a college campus or volunteer club / society setting for the other students you will be interacting with?
I have the experience of teaching some people with different backgrounds
A solid example would help illustrate this highly important point of your discussion presentation. Make sure that it can be applicable to a college volunteer setting.
I think this will help me to achieve my goal
There you go again with the uncertainty. Be definite. UWC will help you achieve the goals.
There is a need for you to revise certain aspects of this presentation due to the required sample references. You may need to rework the whole essay in order to accomodate the necessary changes.