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Bookstore and café - CommonApp Essay (favorite place prompt)


cicijolee 5 / 19 4  
Dec 26, 2013   #1
prompt: Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content. What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to you?

The fridge rumbles and the coffee grinder roars sporadically in the background. Pieces of conversations become audible as a multitude of voices fill the air. All of the sounds and voices create an environment of continuous movement, yet it is an atmosphere where I feel most calm and content. The hustle and bustle only add to the timeless feel of this place as the world moves around me while I sit quietly in my chair. This environment is one in which I have found I work best in and have come to learn to take a step away from my own life and appreciate the many others around me. This place is Barnes and Noble bookstore.

As a child, the bookstore was a magical place where I attended story time and played with the train set in the children's section with my brother. As I grew older, the countless books lining the dark, wooden bookshelves became my playground. Each book represented a window through which I could peer into someone else's life, and sometimes the book became a door through which I could step and find myself in another world.

But this quiet realm did not last; I was part of a world where time seemed to get shorter and more sparse. Spending hours in the wooden chair underneath the painted background of Pooh and his friends became impossible since "reality" continuously barged in to remind me of the rising stacks of homework that I had to do, the endless hours of violin practice I had to accomplish, and the numerous other responsibilities I was obligated to fulfill. It seemed that my days spent in the worlds of Percy Jackson, Anne of Green Gables, and Harry Potter were over.

In a way, this was true. I gradually transferred to the teen section of the bookstore and the café became my new favorite sitting spot. Fortunately, however, I still found some time to indulge in books like Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (one of my all-time favorites) and I realized that I just never grow out of other ones (the Harry Potter series will forever be a classic for me). Surprisingly, while I spent hours at Barnes and Noble doing work, I also discovered new "windows" to look through by overhearing snippets of conversations of the people around me: grandparents planning their trip to Europe, a group of old-time friends discussing the prospects on time-travel, and a boy and his family conversing with a tutor about why they had emigrated from Pakistan to the United States. It struck me just how many different lives pass through this one store, connected only by the place itself and by the occasional overlapping footsteps on the wooden floor. The world suddenly becomes very large as I realize just how many lives the earth is home to. It's like that iconic scene in movies, where I sit in a corner of the bookstore café, insignificant, and all the other people move in a blur around me.

We are not always aware of the lives that exist around us and the extent to which our actions and words affect others, but we all live more closely and similarly than we think. Barnes and Noble has helped to give me this realization; a place where I used to play with trains and be read to has become a place where I can still escape into my own timeless world yet be aware of and have a greater appreciation for the world around me. For me, Barnes and Noble will always be a timeless place where the world stops for a moment and where I become a small part of everyone else's lives by being that girl in the corner typing on her laptop, reading, or just sipping a pumpkin spice latte. Perhaps I have also unknowingly affected another observer in a similar way.
AnnieKim611 3 / 12 1  
Dec 26, 2013   #2
I like this essay and I think it is very relatable. Is there a specific part you feel is weak? That might help when giving feedback.

Comment on back on mine too!
OP cicijolee 5 / 19 4  
Dec 26, 2013   #3
I just got mixed feedback on it from my teachers and parents. One of them said they really liked it while the other said they found it slightly boring and typical. I'm looking for some constructive feedback if you think it could be better because I'd like to get into a school like Rice or Yale and I just want to make sure this is a good enough essay. Also I have a tendency to sort of dance around my point and go on tangents instead of answering the question. Just any feedback on what you liked and/or what you didn't like would be really helpful (:

thanks for yours!
AmberCommerce 2 / 4 1  
Dec 26, 2013   #4
Ok this essay doesn't stand out - it's too full of cliches. Also remember that this essay is you trying to convince the admission officers you will add something to their college... what are you bringing to the table here? Merely that you're aware of your surroundings? Why should I admit you in?

Critique mine!
Prinz18 3 / 10 5  
Dec 26, 2013   #5
Beautiful essay. Gives a lot of perspective into who you are as a person and what matters to you. My only problem is a tiny error in this line "...a place where I used to play with trains and be read to has become a place where I..." Other than that, this essay is well written. Best of Luck!
iloveyogurt 9 / 17 5  
Dec 26, 2013   #6
Hi,

I think the essay is rather loosely structured. It doesn't have a clear skeleton to it, which can make it boring. For example, you may make one paragraph about you favorite spot during childhood and how you have transitioned. That would add a little focus point to the essay, I think. But that's just my opinion, and you can decide as you wish.

Good luck!
OP cicijolee 5 / 19 4  
Dec 26, 2013   #7
to AmberCommerce: Yeah, cliches were one thing that always seem to pop up in my writing too... I see what you mean though. Thanks for the feedback!

to Prinz18: Thank you!! but sorry, have to ask, do you think it would be enough to make me stand out for an ivy school or just a really good school? trying to get multiple opinions on this because I'm getting mixed feedback again.. do you think I should use this essay in the end or use another one that I wrote recently that I think may be stronger standing-out-wise?

to iloveyogurt: thanks for the feedback! I'll definitely consider it even with the few days I have left xD
Prinz18 3 / 10 5  
Dec 26, 2013   #8
Definitely, it makes you stand out. I enjoy good reads and this, in my opinion, is a well written essay. It answer the prompt in a unique, expressive and well constructed manner. Based on this essay, I'll admit you if i was an admissions officer. However, I'm not one so do consider other constructive criticism. And if you feel you have a better one, I advise you use it. It's better to be safe than sorry.

Best of Luck. You'll get in :)!
thenewdude 13 / 59  
Dec 27, 2013   #9
Hey cicijole,

I think the essay is very descriptive; you do a good job there! I can also totally picture this in my mind's eye and it makes me relate to you as a person. However, as someone above noted, you haven't mentioned what you'll bring to the college. you have described an important event in your life, but it isn't very clear how that has formed your views, or what exactly it is that you bring to the table.

if you another essay, you can post that too and get opinions on that as well if you like. maybe that will help you in your decision.

Cheers!
thenewdude 13 / 59  
Dec 27, 2013   #10
Also, could you please look over my St. Olaf essay?
Kristoria 3 / 51 1  
Dec 27, 2013   #11
Could you post the other essay you were referring to. It would make it easier for us to tell you if you should just drop this one seeing as it has mixed reviews. In addition, if you feel the other one conveys a better picture of you then you should go ahead and use it.
impatient101 8 / 17 3  
Dec 28, 2013   #12
The essay is well written and it explains a lot about you. However, the essay was kind of boring and it is not very different from other essays I've read on the same topic. Perhaps you would like to explain an incident there or anything else to make it a little unique.
Akuhah 4 / 10  
Dec 29, 2013   #13
ok.. i read it... and then i read it again.. i can see where persons might say that they find it to be a little boring but thats probably because they dotn really understand what teh library means to you. For me, it shows me that you are a calm soul and it shows your transition from childhood to adulthood by the way you show how you gradually more aware of the world and the other people in it. I think its a good essay.
Oryx97 5 / 7  
Dec 30, 2013   #14
I would suggest being more specific when you say how the people that surround you changed you in a way. Sure, you say that the world is very large, but how has that changed YOU.

You also talk about the books you like. How has reading those books changed you? Have those books given you new perspectives?

"numerous other responsibilities I was obligated to fulfill"--- Are you sure you want to let admission officers know that you play the violin, do homework (etc.) as an obligation?

Fortunately, however, I still found some time to indulge in books like Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (one of my all-time favorites), and I realized that I just never grow out of other ones (the Harry Potter series will forever be a classic for me).

Good luck! :)
OP cicijolee 5 / 19 4  
Dec 30, 2013   #15
Thank you everyone for looking over my essay! and sorry for the late reply

thenewdude: I'll look over your essay as soon as possible, sorry its taken me so long to reply

Kristoria: I've decided to drop the other essay because I made a bit of a premature judgement on deciding that the other was better, but thanks for your help!

impatient101: I've tried starting out with an actual event, like in media res sort of, about my tendencies to eavesdrop a little while at barnes and noble...my english teacher said that was the one part he said really stood out to him and made it interesting in a way. I might try that in order to make the essay a little less boring, thanks!

Akuhah: thanks for your input! I really want to keep this essay since I think it really is me. I'm probably going to tweak it a little to put more of an interesting spin on it :)

Oryx97: thanks for the pointers (: I'll definitely try them out


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