"1...2...BOOM!"- Common app

Prompt: Topic of my choice, I guess.
Notes: It's a little choppy, and I need help with fluidity. Also, I probably need to chop it down, since I think it's too long for the common app. =/ Also, is it a bad subject? Is it boring? Be honest.

This is literally my fourth essay *sigh*.

"1...2...BOOM!"

In the dark living room lit only by the tv sitting in the middle, my little brother and I silently counted with our fingers the seconds it took for the thunder to sound after a bright flash of lightning, in awe at how close the storm was to our house. I'd never been afraid of thunderstorms; I relished the thrill of the atypically dark sky and seeing the raw, uncontrolled flashes of light followed by a violent crash soon after, and I enjoyed watching outside my window. That night, a flash of lightning and a perfectly synchronized "BOOM!" exploded over our heads causing us both to jump, the tv going suddenly going pitch black; the tv had died, and after a few minutes of fumbling around, my brother and I agreed that there was no hope for the tv's revival. It was upsetting because we knew, after countless times begging for game consoles, computer games, and other toys, that our parents did not spend on anything that they deemed unnecessary; they had both come from impoverished parts of Colombia, and the tv was the most modern thing we had.

Thankfully, we discovered that the cable dish was destroyed, and not so much the tv itself. My parents took it extremely well; this was a sign and good opportunity to rebel against the ever-increasing cable bill, and instead switch to basic channels. In a few days when I saw my father proudly installing the thin antenna on top of the roof, I knew it meant a permanent change. At seeing that ominous piece of metal on the roof, I screamed, cried, and pleaded until my parent's ears hurt. It took me a few days to come to the reality that it was another thing that I just couldn't have; it took me years to appreciate the full consequences of it.

To pacify my complaints of constant boredom, my mother took me to the local library. I resentfully picked out a bunch of books for the week since anything was better than doing nothing, but was surprised to discover feeling a thrill exploring a world unknown to me, whether it was in the laughter from "Amelia Bedelia", the wonder of "The Magic Tree House", or the loving story of "The Velveteen Rabbit". After that, I made going to the library and picking out a stack of books a ritual of mine, to the point where the library staff knew me by name and would smile every time I would tip toe to place the books on the front desk when checking them out.

As I grew year by year, I continued going to that same library, eventually moving to the "Adults" section in the fifth grade. Unlike my classmates' parents, mine did not have the same fluent English, and so they could never really help me with school reports or reading assignments; it was thanks to the library that I was able to better my vocabulary and writing. I soon found myself passing the reading level of my peers, and without a doubt surpassing them in enthusiasm; while they dreaded picking books for book reports required in English class, I had trouble deciding which book out of the ones I loved to write about! It came to the point where the reading text book we used was pretty simple to me and I relied on my library sprees to give me the mental stimulation I desired.

I was addicted to reading, but I started to especially be fond of certain types of books. I most enjoyed the psychological thrillers, the ones that stayed with you in the night and the next few days after you're finished reading them. I adored science fiction, where observe an author's opinion on what the human thought process would be if extra terrestrials ever arrived. Most of all, I found that books that questioned man's ethic's in certain situations, as well as the mental impact; I still have the book report that my teacher in the 6th grade was so impressed with, after I read "Lord of the Flies". But the overarching characteristic in my favorite books were those that made me think. Those that made me question things I believed in, and through the fictional plot lines changed my perspective of the reality I lived in. It affected the way I started to write and think in my other classes, such as history, religion, and even science. I had become a book addict; I found mini-thunderstorms between each cover of the books I took out, and I would never again be able to tear my eyes away.

I'm not sure if it was fate, or my parents playing some elaborate hoax, but I'm sure that if it weren't for that single strike of lightning and the death of our cable box, I wouldn't be the same person, and I couldn't thank that library enough; I volunteer there to this day in hopes that other people might find the same love of books I did. Those reading skills I acquired as a young child no doubt helped me enter (__gifted program___), irrevocably changing my life by giving me the rare opportunity to go to an independent school with the kind of education and opportunities that would be impossible for my family otherwise. My infatuation with literature has helped me not only in my classes, but wherever I went thereafter, in my leisure time, and are constantly an influence on my ideas. Books have made me a free thinker, and by improving my writing, have given me the tool to express my experiences and thoughts to other people, a more valuable gift than anything, and that tool is the reason you have this essay is your hands. I might not have cable anymore or the latest iphone, but I will always have my reading and writing, and that can never be broken.

I like the essay. So will most people who read a lot. You can pretty much count on the admission's officers being such people. Some parts of your writing could use a bit of tweaking, though. For instance:


Really, it seems as if this storm is taking place at night, mostly because you say directly that it is. Nights are typically dark, and, in a city where light pollution washes out the stars, a cloudy sky is unlikely to be much darker than a cloudless one.


I know what you mean, but it seems likely that you were not actually thankful that you discovered that the cable dish had been destroyed. Probably, you were thankful that the television had not been, and upset about the the cable dish, which would explain your attitude later on. Also, "cable dish"? Do you mean "satellite dish"?


I'd list a few more of your favorite titles for each genre you mention.


Again, I know what you mean. However, mini-thunderstorms are usually symbols of depression or anger. Be careful when using metaphors to choose ones whose preexisting symbolic baggage works with, rather than against, your own point.


Your parents can control lightning. Cool!

This essay has an attention-grabbing beginning, but it doesn't sustain the rest of the piece.

While a little history is always welcome as a backdrop to the rest of the essay, I think you need to spend more time on what your voracious reading has done for you recently. High-school recently. You've got too much here about book reports, The Magic Tree House, and early-age gifted programs. So it boils down to a bunch of supporting history that can only support what little you *tell* the reader about how much of a free thinker you are, now.

Oh, but the actual writing is quite good, and so is the story. I think some details could be cut down to afford room for more recent musings on where your reading has taken you.

Yes, this is a very strong essay but perhaps overly long. Don't take out anything of substance but do edit down your sentences for concision. For example, you can say "as I grew" or "year by year" -- you don't need both!

oh man, how do I delete my essay off?! If I google the title, it comes right up! Can't colleges see that, if they took a second to look? And now someone's probably going to take it when last minute December apps roll along. It makes me feel like I can't use this essay...=[ And I didn't know that we had to pay? So basically, you only recieve good essay help if you have the money to pay, and if you don't, the site isn't truly "free" because posting anything up will make it available for the masses to use. I hate being poor. I feel a little hysterical right now, but is there really no other way to protect my essay than forking over money?

Oh boy...
If you chose to put your actual name on your account you would not be experiencing this problem.


^The only thing colleges will see is your effort to make your essay better for their admissions.


^What other people do is their business. Essayforum.com is FREE. You don't need to pay to get advice. How much more free can it get? Your essay is not for "the masses to use". It is for the masses to learn from. It's is not only free, it's fair.

If your name was here then perhaps idiots would be less motivated to copy.

Thank you- I actually wanted to delete that last comment (but couldnt, I waited too long), I was just panicking because I hadnt realized the way that the forums work (I know, I know, I shouldve read the user agreement).

And I think I will be putting my name on it, even though I wanted to stay anonymous, I guess it would be for the best to be able to claim my work if it ever came to the point that someone copied.

I'll be crossing my fingers that my essay stays safe =D

Ahhh...I am extremely glad. It is a pretty nice essay.

Great essay, nothing i can add more than what has already been said, but try your hardest to be concise. Also, you use "I" a lot, which is fine, but try and put a part in where you can show us something instead of telling us something... great!