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'Boom! Boom! The most out of education' - quest bridge essay


emekaobi 2 / 3  
Sep 30, 2011   #1
Prompt- Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

Boom! Boom! The gun shot went through my book and set a path straight for my head. My life was changed forever. Do not assume a real gun was used in this scenario. The gun serves as a weapon to punish those who do stupid things. My gun of choice was called sophomore year.

It was 6:45 am when I woke up, took a shower, and wrote down my goal to receive all A's. Last year, I made National Honors Society and that resulted in some life changes. I was to take all Pre-AP and AP classes so I could be ranked competitively in my graduating class. As I walked into school and went to my classes on the first day, I knew I could accomplish this goal I set for myself. It did not go so as well as I thought it would. I failed two classes, Pre-AP chemistry and Pre-AP geometry the first six weeks. My counselor, Mrs. Hueston called me down and suggested I should think about dropping the two classes for the easier coursework of regular classes. "No Mrs. Hueston," I said. "I can passe these two classes; all I need to do is go to tutoring more." "Well okay if you feel that you need to drop out, come tell me," she said. My second and third six weeks I went to tutoring for Pre-AP chemistry and Pre-AP everyday and understood the material we were learning, but I could never pass the tests and quizzes. Both teachers from both classes pulled me aside and told me I needed to get an 85 and higher to pass for the semester. I studied the review both my teachers gave me, I thought I could pass, but on my report card it showed that I failed both exams and the semester.

My counselor called me down and told me I had to take regular chemistry and geometry and that I need to make a 75 or higher to pass for the year. It was hard for me to even stay in regular chemistry as I felt that I would not be challenged enough as I was in Pre-AP Chemistry. I went to Pre-AP chemistry and I walked in I realized that passing for the year is more important. I decided to go back regular chemistry and at the end of the year I had a 95 average in both classes.

After that eye-opening year, I had to change my outlook on life. My sister is in college right bow at Texas Tech University and she works so hard to make sure she gets the most out of her education. She has struggled many times, but she keeps pushing forward. Due to her drive, I know I can accomplish anything. I'm hoping her success runs in my blood. With the opportunity your scholarship provides, I want to be able to follow that path my sister set for me.

Can somebody please read over it before 11:59 pacific because its due today please and thank you
jonnnnnnn 2 / 3  
Oct 1, 2011   #2
You have some really great lines in your essay and you should capitalize on those. Notably, your opening is creative and comical. It may be beneficial to run this through spell check and look at combining some of your sentences in order to vary in structure. I think that it is very unique that you highlight your failure instead of focusing on your success, most people wouldn't. The part about your sister seems random and pulls focus away from your personal hardship. Try writing more about the experience of failure or success rather than only the facts of what happened. Give the reader the chance to know you through this memory.
jonnnnnnn 2 / 3  
Oct 1, 2011   #3
Also, the into may make the reader uneasy as it could easily be mistaken for a reference to suicide. I really like the concept, maybe rethink the gun metaphor.


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