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BOOM! A mentos and Diet Coke evolution =) Cornell Essay!


tehfunkicookie 19 / 50  
Dec 28, 2011   #1
Hey guys! I need some help because i'm turning in my cornell essay soon. I rewrote this essay because other people said it really sucked! So please read and comment on it! Be as harsh as you want!

PROMPT:
Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you. Tell us how you will utilize the academic programs in the College of Arts and Sciences to further explore your interests, intended major, or field of study.

Imagine putting Mentos inside a Diet Coke bottle. What would happen? An enormous amount of CO2 bubbles would build up and force the soda to shoot out of the bottle. Although my teacher couldn't tell me why it happened, I desired to know. From that, what instigated my erupting intellectual interests in Chemistry in elementary school was the opportunity to discover.

After doing several of these small experiments, I yearned to learn more about Chemistry. I kept pondering about how a small round candy could trigger a massive explosion inside a large soda bottle. Just barely scratching the surface about the mechanics behind chemical reactions as I transitioned into middle school, I learned that whenever two objects reacted, chemical bonds were broken to from a product. Like the Mentos and the Diet Coke, I understood that some chemical in the Mentos easily severed the bonds in the Diet Coke; however, when the teacher told me that there was a lot more to reactions than just two objects mixing together, I was excited knew there were deeper truths I could acquire in order to comprehend chemical reactions.

As I moved into high school, my intellectual interests in Chemistry began to develop and expand. After taking Chemistry Honors and IB Chemistry SL, I discovered not only four types of chemical reactions but also the conditions and types of bond associated within the reaction. The complexity and harmony of every topic I acquired gave me a tingling but yet exciting sensation that there was so I could learn. Even though there were some topics like electrochemistry that I did not understand, that added more excitement in that there was more knowledge for me to discover. From being thrilled to learn the nucleation caused by the immense build up CO2 bubbles to comprehension of activation energy, I knew, without a doubt, that I had developed my deep interest in Chemistry.

My deep craving and strong motivation to learn more about chemical reactions and to discover new things through Chemistry led me to apply to the Cornell's College of Arts and Sciences. The academic program will be the catalyst that will initiate my Chemistry research goals and provide me with the excellent educational foundation and experience necessary to succeed. Being able to have constant access to research labs while working on collaborative and unique research projects such as Bacterial and Bacterial Chemotaxis Research will enhance my passion for research and have more opportunities to discover the different frontiers of Chemistry. The small and well equipped faculty will help develop my critical thinking and social skills in learning Chemistry. From the rigorous curriculum that the Cornell provides, I will able to not only view Chemistry on a more professional level but also flourish both intellectually and personally and have a solid foundation for my future studies and research.
Musicforleisure 3 / 33  
Dec 28, 2011   #2
Hi! Thank you for your helpful comments on my post : )
I'd like to return the favor here

I actually like how you start the essay. It is interesting.

Overall, I like the essay. I like how you incorporate the Diet Coke concept into your essay. However, I think it would be even greater if you try to relate back to the Diet Coke bottle in the end : )

I hope this helps!

Please take a look at my another essay, too : )
Thanks

*Btw, I think I actually like your previous essay better (the one before this)
I just took a look at it before you removed it
I think it was great.
OP tehfunkicookie 19 / 50  
Dec 28, 2011   #3
thanks guys! Really appreciate the help.
karissa_a16 4 / 94  
Dec 29, 2011   #4
The diet coke and mentos thing is a really good idea, but the execution wasn't very good to be honest. It seemed like you were giving me a chemistry lesson at times; the AO's want to learn about you, not chemical reactions. Please read my NYU one. Thanks! :D


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