"boot camp for the United States Coast Guard" - Peace Corp Essay #2

Will someone let me know what the think. And don't be afraid to be brutally honest...I feel like a got a bit to hippie in the last paragraph but I think it might be what they are looking for. Thanks.

USA Boot Camp Experience

My first experience in all-out culture shock happened when I was 19 years-old and was shipped off to boot camp for the United States Coast Guard. Some would assume I am referring to yelling of the company commanders or the strictly controlled schedule. This certainly was a shock but my statement is concerning the experience of being introduced roughly 100 new individuals from different walks of life and living with them for three months.

After getting over my amazement of the different accents that the corners of America had produced, I began to develop friendships with people who I had, only before, held regional stereotypes. That was the easy part. The more difficult situations were learning to work alongside individuals who you did not see eye-to-eye with. However, I learned that being thrust into a new situation with different individuals that are working toward a common goal tends to build relationships. In some instances these relationships have been more permanent because they are not solely based upon personal compatibilities, but on mutual respect.

The most important thing that this experience has taught me is that, despite subtle differences, people are generally the same. I have been on four continents and this lesson is echoed in every one of my travels. We enjoy community and laughter. We care for our families and value our friendships. Most importantly, I feel that we all are working to make a better life for the ones we love. These lessons are what I will bring with me to the Peace Corps which will serve as the mortar to establish community ties and build lasting friendships.

Your essay is coming along fine, but here are a few things I found;
Some would assume I am referring to the yelling done by the company commanders, or the strictly controlled schedule.

This certainly was a shock, but my statement is concerning the experience of being introduced to roughly a hundred new individuals from different...

After getting over my amazement of the different accents that the corners of America had produced, I began to develop friendships with people with whom I had previously held regional stereotypes.

That was the easy part. The more difficult situations were learning to work alongside individuals I did not see eye to eye with.

However, I learned that being thrust into a new situation with different individuals that are working toward a common goal tends to build relationships.This is great!

In some instances these relationships have become more permanent, because they are not based solely upon personal compatibilities, but on mutual respect.

The most important thing that this experience has taught me is that, despite subtle differences, people are generally the same.

Good luck in the Peace Corps!

:)