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A boring summer changes my life -- Illinois Essay #2

saroth 11 / 47  
Jan 1, 2011   #1
Prompt:In an essay of 300 words or less, choose one extracurricular activity, work experience, or community service project from the list you provided on the application and explain why you initially chose it, why you continued with it, and how you benefited from it.__________________________________________________________________ ________________

The summer before senior year had just started and I was already bored, but I had no idea what was in store for me. My friend had introduced me to Computer Science only a few weeks before and I was fascinated by its myriad of applications. I opened up Google and started browsing for some computer science tutorials to keep myself entertained until I got some programming books from the library. It was then that I saw it, Stanford Engineering Everywhere (SEE). The description talked about computer science courses and I was immediately hooked. I knew there must be more websites like this one, so I clicked the similar button under the link and the first result was the MIT Open Courseware (OCW) website.

I quickly opened up these two websites and I was utterly enthralled by the numerous computer science, physics, and engineering courses available to me. I was amazed that the SEE and MIT's OCW programs offered these rigorous college courses free of charge. I quickly found a few courses that I liked and after making sure to add these websites to my favorites bar, I got started.

Starting with Stanford's Programming Methodology course and MIT's Introduction to Algorithms, I spent my summer enriching myself by undertaking some of the courses that fascinated me. Many of the courses I have taken and plan on taking in the future deal with Computer Science and other types of Engineering. Now, even after school has started, I do my best to find time in the week to pursue these courses. I am currently working on Stanford's Introduction to Robotics course and MIT's Fundamentals of Engineering Design course and the Unified Engineering I, II, III, IV course. The SEE and OCW programs have allowed me to challenge myself and in doing so expand my knowledge of engineering subjects. They have not only given me a taste of college curriculum but have also inspired me to continue my exploration of Engineering and pursue this interest in college. Who knew such a seemingly boring summer, could change my life?

______________________________________________________________________ ____________

- Does this essay make sense? and does it say something personal about me (ie. showing my intrest in Engineering)?
- Should I add how I want to pusure my Intrest in Engineering at the University of Illinois to connect it to the college?
- My word count right now is at 345 words, and the limit is 300 so I need some desprate help. The deadline is Monday january 3rd.
- Anything else, be as critical as needed. Thanks a lot.
amberisdead 9 / 28  
Jan 2, 2011   #2
I think there's way too much details in paragraph 1 and became a tad bit boring.
As for the how u benefitted from it part is too touch and go, i don't really see the main idea here.
Cut some words from why you chose it and why did u continue it, add more stuff to how u benefitted.

Yup hope i helped! good luck!
blackpixel23 19 / 46  
Jan 2, 2011   #3
You can definitely merge the first and two paragraphs together and just shorten them overall really. They add unnecessary detail to your essay. Your engineering interest barely comes through also. You spend most of the third paragraph repeating that you take these courses. I know you do! Instead, add a sentence about how the courses made you realize your specific interest in Engineering and why you like engineering exactly. The last line is also terribly cheesy and totally unneeded.

Overall, I like where you're going with this essay. It has a solid focus and purpose but poor execution at the moment. Keep the event details small and the impact big.

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