Prompt: There may be personal information that you want considered as part of your admissions application. Write an essay describing that information. You might include exceptional hardships, challenges, or opportunities that have shaped or impacted your abilities or academic credentials, personal responsibilities, exceptional achievements or talents, educational goals, or ways in which you might contribute to an institution committed to creating a diverse learning environment.
Any suggestions or feedback would me much appreciated. Also lots grammar critique would be awesome. Be as harsh as you feel and tear it apart!
As the sun peaked over the mountain peaks, the untouched powder glistened on the mountains. Although my feet were weighed down with the board, there was joy in my heart. I was on the mountain with the wind whipping through my hair, 10,000 feet above sea level as I rode the ski lift up to the very top of the mountain. Soon I would once again experience that feeling I dream about every day.
Nothing compares to the adrenaline rush that passes through my body as I carve down the mountain slope. High up here it is just the mountain and I. Hurtling down the mountain enjoying my freedom, I continued down in my own world. Suddenly I was jolted back to reality when someone shouted out, "Watch out! You need to slow down!" Coming to a halt with powder flying underneath my board I turned around to see who it was. It was an employee, he told me to look around and be cognizant of my surroundings.
As I continued down the mountain I realized that there was a larger lesson to be learned here, a lesson that has resonated in other parts of my life. Whether you are a skier or snowboarder, young or old, beginner or pro, the slopes are open to everyone. I should have been mindful of others' paths and speeds down the mountain. This experience helped me realize that respect is bigger than any slope.
All my life respect has played a significant role. Growing up I faced many challenges that have contributed to this sense of respect.
Born in America to Indian parents I had to adjust to both cultures. I quickly learned to respect the differences in both cultures. My parents taught me to appreciate diversity and treat it with respect. I learned not to be judgmental or opinionated about the traditions, clothes, or food of other cultures.
In addition to the cultural differences I faced, I grew up in an interfaith family. My dad is Hindu and my mom is Christian. Growing up I learned to appreciate both religions. This has helped me understand that everyone is entitled to their own beliefs. As a result, I have respectfully stayed away from stereotyping people based on race, ethnicity or religion.
In life everyone will travel on his or her own path, at his or her own speed, just like on the slopes. This is something I have come to understand and respect. As I enter college, I am going to be faced with a lot of diversity - social, religious, and cultural. I am confident the importance of respect I have learned will help me navigate these paths.
High up here, it is just the mountain and I.
Cross out the out in "Someone shouted out, "watch out..."
It was an employee: he told me to look around and be cognizant of my surroundings.
The beginning was very good. I feel like the end was a little rushed. I think you could find a way to weave the story with your point more fluently. I felt like it was two different stories, relateable but different.
