Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 3


'born autistic and verbal' - summer research program. short answer


summeradams 3 / 5 1  
Nov 14, 2012   #1
can you please help me with the grammar and spelling.

this is a personal statement

Coming from a big city, living with a big family, and having big dreams sometimes might be difficult to put hand in hand. One out of the six siblings is an astonishing and extraordinary person that changed my whole perception of life and science. That is my older sister, Ashwag, 23 years old, and born autistic. The love and fascination of science and medicine started out with her. I love being around her because she never fails to amaze me due to her cleverness. Living with autism might be a difficult task but it is so rewarding. I feel like I have become a better person because of her. She taught me patience, kindness and mercy. She was born autistic and verbal until she was 5 years old. She stopped talking and communicating completely after that. Autism does not run down from generation to generation because autism does not occur genetically. From the lack of communication she had, she turned towards aggression to express what she wanted and her feelings. My sister went through a lot in her life; she has Obsessive compulsive disorder, Bipolar disorder, and goes through seizure episodes once a while. I volunteer helping my parents with my sister by taking her to her doctor appointments; give her her daily medications and taking care of her when my parents need a break. Autism is one out of many mysterious illnesses that does not have direct answers to why it occurs and I want to make that change one day. One of my many dreams is to explore and conducted research about Autism. I want to help people who are diagnosed with autism and their families because they both face difficulties in their journeys. When families and friends have direct answers to why autism occurs, it might comfort them psychologically. Maybe one day I'll find the answer to why Autism occurs. Science is a very important aspect of my life and I am the type of person who likes to explore and learn different information. I think this program will give me a great opportunity to understand what will be accepted of me when attending medical school.

Thank you
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Nov 15, 2012   #2
You have a great case and a real reason to put forward to the admission committee. If you improve this a bit more it would be one of the most effective SOPs they would see : )

Coming from a big city, living with a big family, and having big dreams sometimes might be difficult to put hand in hand. (this is a good opening but how do you connect this idea with the rest? after reading your SOP I felt that those reasons fit with one another well and made you pursue your research interests ) One out of the six siblings is an astonishing and extraordinary person that changed my whole perception of life and science. That is my older sister, Ashwag, 23 years old, and born autistic. The love and fascination of science and medicine started out with her.

The first few introductory sentences sound a bit abrupt. I feel they are loosely connected too and that makes the reader to put effort to understand what you try to mean. So this is what I suggest, but you would do it better than me : ):

Living in a big city, being a part of a big family and having big dreams sometimes may look not easy for a person to handle or cope with. However, those are the very reasons that shaped my character and gave me a meanigful reason for life while providing me with strength and confidence.(stop here and go to the next para to tell the story about your sis)

It is one extrodinary character who influenced my whole perception about life. She is no other person, but one of my six siblings. Ashwag, my older sister who is now 23 years old is a born autistic. Her life long struggle with autism is the very reason that aroused a great interest for science and medicine in me..... ...continue to tell about her story and your involvement.

She was born autistic (this you mentioned earlier too and therefore sounds repetitive... better take it off) and lost verbal communication completely afteruntil she was 5 years old.

Overall, I think you have done a good job.... your SOP sounds very genuine and explains that you a worthy person. I'm glad to have met a person like you in this forum.

Good Luck!
OP summeradams 3 / 5 1  
Nov 17, 2012   #3
THANK YOU SO MUCH THAT WAS VERY HELPFUL. YOU ARE VERY KIND. MAY GOD BLESS YOU WITH LOVE AND MERCY IN LIFE. -AMEN


Home / Undergraduate / 'born autistic and verbal' - summer research program. short answer
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳