Please help me with the grammer and content!!!!!!! Thanks
Prompt: We honor the many different forms of diversity in our community. Your perspective is valuable because it comes from your life experiences, family backgrounds, and culture. Please tell us about yourself, how you plan to share your perspective with the Colgate Community, and what you hope to learn from other members of the community.
250 WORDS
Born and brought up in an Indian family, I have grown accustomed to Indian traditions and values. As my father's job entailed frequent transfers, a large part of my childhood was spent living a nomadic life, which exposed me to the incredible ethnic, linguistic and cultural diversities of my country. In India, with 10 kilometres travelled, one discovers distinct traditions, customs and ways of life. I have seen tribes of Andamans, Lakshadweep and Arunachal living in substantial isolation and also seen communities in whose life modern civilization and ancient traditions co-exist. These exposures have definitely made a mark on my personality, perspectives and outlook. My upbringing was never restricted by rigid religious practices and hence secularism and egalitarianism were naturally ingrained in me. The expansive Indian culture has taught me to respect diversity and, I am sure, will help me to appreciate diversities of the vibrant Colgate community.
Today we live in a global village, where every person is connected to every other. Knowing and understanding people from different backgrounds and respecting their perspectives and opinions are prerequisites to peace and harmony. Interaction with members of diverse communities of Colgate University will be an enlightening experience. It will be exciting to study the similarities and the distinctiveness of cultural elements of this community and those of an ethnic community living in India. Another aspect that interests me is to understand how exposure to modernity has impacted the culture and values of a community and what impact planned isolation may have made.
Born and brought upGrowing up in an Indian family, I have grown accustomed to Indian traditions and values. As my father's job entailed frequent transfers, a large part of my childhood was spent living a nomadic life living a...life sounds repetitive, maybe say "abiding by a nomadic lifestyle" , which exposed me to the incredible ethnic, linguistic and cultural diversities of my country. In India, with a mere 10 kilometresers traveled one l for traveled , one discoversis introduced to distinct traditions, customs and ways of life. I have seen tribes of Andamans, Lakshadweep and Arunachal living in substantial I don't know if I like substantial in this context, considerable maybe? isolation and also seen communities in whose lifewhere modern civilization and ancient traditions co-exist creating a blending of cultures? creating what? Is it interesting? Beautiful? You don't need to add anything after it but it might be helpful if you do so readers can visualize what you are talking about . TheseThis exposureshavehasdefinitelyirrevocably, irreversibly-personal preference, don't like definitely in formal writing made a mark on my personality, perspectives and outlook. maybe instead of my personality...you use who I have become, who I have grown up to be. just a suggestion My upbringing was never restricted by rigid religious practices, and hence secularism and egalitarianism were naturally ingrained in me naturally became ingrained into my system of beliefs and values? . The expansive Indian culture has taught me to respect diversity and, I am sure, will help me to appreciate the diversities of the vibrant Colgate community.
Today we live in a global village, where every person is connected to every otherone another . Knowing and understanding people from different backgrounds and respecting their perspectives and opinions are prerequisites to peace and harmony. Interaction with various members of diverse communities ofwithin Colgate University will be an enlightening experience eh, enlightening? how so? . It will be exciting to study the similarities and the distinctiveness o f cultural elements of this community and those of an ethnic community living in India.the various communities I was able to observe in India Another aspect of Colgate University that interests me is to understandthe prospect of understanding how exposure to modernity has impacted the culture and values of a community and what impact planned isolation may have made.
The last sentence seems to be slightly random. I understand where you are coming from, but I don't understand how you would be able to find the impact of planned isolation. I don't know much about Colgate, so that may be why. However, maybe ending it how your exposure to diversity has developed your values and cultural identity and you would like to observe that relationship in others
Thanks for the immense help lalenaskye!!
I'll surely make the changes.
The Colgate community is diverse because the people are from different cultural and ethinic background. I would want to get to know the impact of modernity and isolation on society and lives of people from the different places. For eg. Someone from Africa, studying at colgate, can be following traditions which are similar to that of some community in India. I would want to decipher such similarities in context of exposure to modernity and isolaion. This is what I wanted to convey through the last sentence.
Please give some suggestions in this regard.
Thanks once again!
It is a great essay. but i think you should cut down on the part where you explain the diverse nature of you country and concentrate more on what you can contribute to the colgate community.
I luv ur writing a lot! The vocab and the sentences used were so beautiful.
I do agree with zdv that you need to mention how you can contribute to the Coplgate community since the college will wanna know what you can bring to them. Introduce Colgate students to the diverse, vigorous Indian culture, perhaps?
As for ur second paragraph, I probably wouldn't put learning the differences and similarities and how modernisation/isolation has impacted the society, as both of them stays on the cultural aspect. Instead of just saying you wanna learn these, you should say more about how learning these could impact you as a person.
Hope this helps.Can u pls check my Colgate supp? I desperately need help with that.
