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Born in Columbia - Tips for my MIT transfer essay


dane0305 2 / 6  
Dec 19, 2020   #1

Please tell us more about your cultural background and identity


I was born in Medellin, Colombia and as some say, this is a city of friendly people (not everyone lol). I'm very proud to be Colombian despite all the problems this country has. I have been studying from first to seventh grade in Medellin, then I went to Envigado (a city next to Medellin) by two years and finally returned to Medellin to finish tenth and eleventh grade. The envigado's school had big social problems, with some students using drugs or became pregnant. My family is small but very strong, they are all Catholics except me (I'm an atheist).

One at a time
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,511 3437  
Dec 19, 2020   #2
Do not be over familiar with the reviewer, whom you do not know on a personal basis. Leave internet speak (LOL) out of academic written interviews. Formality is key. You can be casual, but still in a respectful way. LOLs, are viewed as coming from immature people who are definitely, not yet ready for college. While you do not need to be serious as a heart attack, you should not be overly casual to the point of using messaging jargon in the presentation.

When you are asked about your cultural background or identity, that means you need to describe what you are like based upon where you are from. The most relevant reference in this essay being, "My family is small but very strong, they are all Catholics, except for me (I'm an atheist). That should be the focal point of the statement. Why are your family members Catholic (cultural background and identify of your family), while you are an atheist (you background). Compare and discuss. Make the discussion interesting in the sense that you will be bringing a form of diversity to the MIT campus being an atheist.
ekawanda - / 4  
Dec 20, 2020   #3
@dane0305
Hi Dane, i just want to suggest you to add the more relevant information that is related to the " Cultural and identity" . I think the information about where you study is not very essential. I think the information about the tradition in your town and also in your family are more needed. Thank you. good luck
OP dane0305 2 / 6  
Dec 20, 2020   #4
@ekawanda
@Holt
Thanks to both of you.
I have done some corrections.
I was born in Medellin, Colombia and as some say, this is a city of friendly people. I'm very proud to be Colombian despite all the problems my country has. I studied from first to seventh grade in Medellin, then I went to Envigado (a neighboring city) for two years and finally returned to Medellin to finish tenth and eleventh grade. The envigado's school had many social problems, with some students using drugs or becoming pregnant. My family is small but very strong, they are all Catholics because Colombia is a majorly catholic country, and it is very ingrained in our culture. However, since I started to be "more scientific" and question almost everything, religion stopped going whit me, due that I became an atheist. I don't believe there is a god, but I can't prove it, so I respect any belief or religion.

What do you think now?
OP dane0305 2 / 6  
Dec 22, 2020   #5
Merged:

Proud medellinian - your cultural background and identity - MIT application essay



proud medellinian (colombia)



Medellin -my city of birth- is known as a city of friendly people. I'm very proud to be Colombian despite all the problems my country has. I was born in a relatively small catholic family -mainly because it's a little broken- which has taught me ethical values required for good social relationships. My mother -despite not having influenced my dreams- has made me who I am, has made me love the knowledge and love learning new things. However, the person who has influenced the most my goals is Victor (my teacher in 8 and 9 grade, he taught me about: Arduino; science fairs; designing and creating projects; and the most important, to find and follow my dreams.

The movie interstellar has been very important for my identity. It has inspired me into a small hobby that I have: learn about theoretical physics. It has influenced a lot my way of thinking about the world and has made me more curious of how everything works. Since then, I have become atheist (I respect any belief or religion).

What do you think about the grammar, syntax, flow and content of the essay. Do you think i have answered property the question. Thank you
hphatmessi 1 / 3  
Dec 22, 2020   #6
I'm not really sure whether it is true to write "has made me who I am". I think you had better replace it by "has made me become the one who I am".


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