My family and I came to the United States in 2004. I was born in Guangzhou, China a very big city. When they told me at the age of 7, that our whole family is going to San Francisco, I was excited and nervous at the same time. I would get to learn more things of course, but I was afraid that it would be hard to adapt here. My parents have always told me to work hard in school. It was a very difficult first year of school for me because I didn't know any English. I never gave up and my parents supported me. Mission High School has been the high school I would prefer everyone to go to. With the Mission neighborhood surrounding it, there is a lot of diversity. I learn new things from time to time about different cultures. What I find interesting is the way that learning grows from itself, like a plant whose cutting you can put into water so that it will root. Knowing one thing, learning something new can lead to more interesting things in life. Knowledge is just like that, you get a little bit of it and it grows.
Ever since I was little there have always been one major that have sparked my interest and that I've wanted to pursue. The major is business, which I got from my sister who attended Guangzhou University in China. She really enjoyed learning about how business work and loves her managing job today. We've always been really close and she's inspired me to not only study about business, but attend college as well. She is the one person in my family whom I have a lot in common with, and it would mean so much to me if I could follow in her footsteps. It would be comforting to know that if I ever had any questions with my classes; help from someone I was close to would be just a phone call away. My one goal in life is to just find something that I would love to do for the rest of my life and stick with it, and that would definitely be accomplished if I went into the work field. I love working with people and could absolutely see myself as being a businessman. Business is the major that UC is highly known for, and that is why UC would fit my needs for a college perfectly. I already have a sister who attended UC Davis, and truthfully, she said she had a great experience with the UC system. I really hope that I would be successful in learning the things I want in college. Fulfilling my major, being comfortable with the campus, and being involved are all things that would contribute to motivating me to work hard.
When I think about going to college, about leaving the memories that I've known and explored for years, I am filled not with fear but with a lot of excitement. To live days with a place filled with my friends who are all in the pursuit of different opportunities seems like a dream come true for them. The information that I will receive outside of class alone will be great, and the ability to choose my educational goals is thrilling.
Dear Loopedd,
I like the essay, because I can feel very connect with you. I came here in 2010.
I feel that the essay can be more personal though. Maybe have more anecdote ?
I feel like you have good points to make, but it is kind of plain right now, so it probably needs a more strong focus.
I think college would love to see yourself from a specific anecdote or incident. Just by portraying an anecdote, you can show yourself from that.
Laura
My family and I came to the United States in 2004.
I think "moved" would be a better word than "came".
I was born in Guangzhou, China a very big city.
Guangzhou is the city right? Try saying it like this.
I was born in Guangzhou, a very big city in China. ... OR...
I was born in a very big city in China called Guangzhou.When they told me at the age of 7, that our whole family is going to San Francisco, I was excited and nervous at the same time.
When I got to know that our whole family was moving to San Francisco, I was excited and nervous as any 7 year old boy would be.My parents have always told me to work hard in school. It was a very difficult first year of school for me because I didn't know any English.
Didn't know "much" English would sound better, but that I might be wrong.
