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'Born in India' - Duke COMMONAPP: Why I want to be an Engineer


sushipanda 2 / 1  
Jan 6, 2013   #1
Prompt: (For Engineering Applicants Only) If you are applying to the Pratt School of Engineering, please discuss why you want to study engineering and why you would like to study at Duke.

Being born in India to parents with purely business-related occupations, I used to believe business was my ultimate fortune; that I would finally land on what is currently my father's chair. But my experiences with science have completely changed what I thought I was destined to pursue in life...

I attended a school where academics were given prime importance. Science and math eventually turned out to be my favorite subjects. The notion of having the same laws rule everything: from the movements of colossal stars to defining the path of a tiny neutron was utterly fascinating. I used to read a plethora of science magazines and books, searching for answers not acknowledged in our regular syllabus. The Internet was also a prominent source of information: thescienceforum.com, Dr. Michio Kaku, Minutephysics...what not. But I have absolutely no idea who inspired me to make robots. I believe it was just my imagination bawling for an outlet. At home, I had my own laboratory where I would sit hours with a solder in one hand and a screwdriver in another, trying to make my own flying machine. In fact, I did manage to construct a quadcopter.

Once I had selected my stream as science, everything improved. I attended class with students of the same inclination. I was spellbound when I got my hands on calculus, and started thinking in different perspectives to the same problem.

I was once surfing the Internet when a tutorial about elementary Javascript on Khan Academy caught my eye. I became so engrossed in it that I saw all the tutorials in two days. I got to know how programming involved nothing else but logic, and on that day I finally decided that I wanted to develop a career in computer science.

When I came across the recent breakthrough in sixth sense technology by another fellow Indian Pranav Mistry, I was reaffirmed that I was in the right direction. That computer science was the foundation of new technological advancements. That programming was a reign in the hands of the bearer, and the ultimate power to manifest his own creations. That the computer would soon outwear all contemporary perimeters, and make space for seemingly incredulous possibilities.

I desire to double major in computer science and electrical engineering and minor in robotics. But why choose Duke? The reason is obvious. The Pratt School of Engineering is an abode for budding computer scientists. Their award winning faculty and rigorous academic programs ascertain companies that graduates from here are worth every penny.

Plus Duke has so much for me! If I become a part of Duke, I assure contributing in every aspect. Be a part of the Duke Robotics Team. Participate in the Duke Engineers for International Development program. Become a member of the Tau Beta Pi. Use my humor to write nerdy jokes for the DukEngineer. Perhaps even learn the Green Dance from Professor Astrachan!
moon05 13 / 133 20  
Jan 6, 2013   #2
and started thinking infrom different perspectives tofor the same problem.

in it that I sawwatched all the tutorials in two days.

I got to knowlearned how programming involved nothing else but logic,

decided that I wanted to developpursue a career in computer science.

if you want to change, it's okay as it is...

I am also interested in flying robots - UAV! :D But I haven't made one yet...
I would have said that you should expand a little on why you wanna get in DUKE... But the ending you made is quite perfect.. So no need if you don't want to.. But I would advise you to write a little more on in robot part..
fsolano94 16 / 30  
Jan 6, 2013   #3
(1) Being born in India to parents with purely business-related occupations

Born in India to parents with purely business-related occupations....

(2) The notion of having the same laws rule everything

The notion of having the same laws ruled everything (This sentence doesn't seem to flow with the rest of your essay)

(3) I believe it was just my imagination bawling for an outlet.

I believe it was my imagination bawling for an outlet.

Very nice conclusion/ I think the admission officers will like the fact that you mention professor Astrachan and how he can teach you the Green Dance. Good Luck To You!!

Please help me with my essays when you get the chance.

Mine = 250 word max (How has your school. community neighborhood and background)
Mine = University of Colorado @ Boulder Essay (500 word max)

I'm considering completely rewriting each essay because they seem bogus. Well just comment on them and I'll see where I need to go from there.
Th25cc 2 / 90 26  
Jan 6, 2013   #4
Being born in India to parents with purely business-related occupations, I used to believe business was my ultimate fortune; that I would finally land on what is currently my father's chair. But my experiences with science have completely changed what I thought I was destined to pursue in life...

Notes - This paragraph seems to be working as a brief attention-getter. The fact that your parents were businessmen does not interest me. Perhaps you could include an engaging story that shows how you obtained and interest of science, or perhaps how you came to dislike business and enjoy science.

I attended a school where academics were given prime importance. Science and math eventually turned out to be my favorite subjects. The notion of having the same laws rule everything: from the movements of colossal stars to defining the path of a tiny neutron was utterly fascinating. I used to read a plethora of science magazines and books, searching for answers not acknowledged in our regular syllabus.curriculum The Internet was also a prominent source of information: thescienceforum.com, Dr. Michio Kaku, Minutephysics...what not. But I have absolutely no idea who inspired me to make robots. I believe it was just my imagination bawling for an outlet. At home, I had my own laboratory where I would sit hours with a soldering iron in one hand and a screwdriver in another, trying to make my own flying machine. In fact I did managed to make a quadcopter.

Notes - All true "schools" give academics prime importance. Eliminate the sentence. What subjects did you like before? How did your interests change? All engineering applicants find math and science to be utterly fascinating. Say something that differentiates you. Use better word choice. "Bawling" is typically associated with crying babies, and I don't think your imagination simply cried until you made robots.

Once I had selected my stream as science, everything improved. I attended class with students of the same inclination. I was spellbound when I got my hands on calculus, and started thinking in different perspectives to the same problem.

I was once surfing the Internet when a tutorial about elementary Javascript on Khan Academy caught my eye. I became so engrossed in it that I saw all the tutorials in two days. I got to know how programming involved nothing else but logic, and on that day I finally decided that I wanted to develop a career in computer science.

Notes - Use better word choice. Stream is associated with water, and I have never heard it used in the sense of "field of study". It's not surprise that you took classes with like-minded students - after all, most students should enjoy an elective class they enroll in. Again, better word choice is necessary. Spellbound does not fit well - it feels as if you are using a thesaurus to describe your enjoyment for math and science in 20 different ways. Elaborate upon your career plans. As of now, it seems as if you want a computer science career because you are just absolutely enthralled by the topic. Each engineering applicant is expected to enjoy engineering - what are you going to do with the education you receive to make a difference in the world or your community in particular?

When I came across the recent breakthrough in sixth sense technology by another fellow Indian Pranav Mistry, I was reaffirmedassured that I was headed in the right direction. That computer science was the foundation of new technological advancements. That programming was a reign in the hands of the bearer, and the ultimate power to manifest his own creations. That the computer would soon outwear all contemporary perimeters, and make space for seemingly incredulous possibilities.

Notes - I fixed a few grammatical issues in the first sentence. Do not include sentence fragments in an admissions essay. Additionally, the content that you have provided through these fragments is already known. The admissions officer needs to learn something about you, not just the computer science field in general.

I desire to double major in computer science and electrical engineering and minor in robotics. But why choose Duke? The reason is obvious. The Pratt School of Engineering is an abode for budding computer scientists. Their award winning faculty and rigorous academic programs ascertainassure companies that graduates from here are worth every penny.

Plus Duke has so much for me! If I become a part of Duke, I assure contributing in every aspect. Be a part of the Duke Robotics Team. Participate in the Duke Engineers for International Development program. Become a member of the Tau Beta Pi. Use my humor to write nerdy jokes for the DukEngineer. Perhaps even learn the Green Dance from Professor Astrachan.

Notes -You never discussed your desires regarding electrical engineering. In your essay you should include more information about it. Your experience with soldering is not enough. All universities have much to offer. All that you establish in the closing remarks is that you will simply take part in something. Why will you do it? How will the experiences help you?

Overall Comments - Your essay is currently a statement of why you love the computer science field. This is not unique to you. How will the admissions officer know you are any different than any other of the thousands of applicants? I would structure your essay more like this.

Briefly discuss how you became interested in your particular fields of study. Use engaging stories and examples.

Discuss a plan that you have post-Duke that includes more than just a potential career. What are you going to do with your computer science and electrical engineering knowledge? How will you change the world?

Discuss how Duke is the best institution for facilitating your overall life plan. Make sure to state exactly how you will take advantage of each of Duke's offerings in order to become better prepared for you life plan.

Conclude in some sort of way that summarizes yet is not overly redundant. You seem to be intelligent enough in order to do such.

If you change your essay into a description of an overall plan and how you will use Duke in order to help achieve the goal(s) of that plan, you should have no problem being admitted into the university granted your superior academic skills (which you can brag about in some place other than an essay)

Good luck with your essay and eventual acceptance!


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