Hi, this is my admissions essay for UCF. The topic is Why do you want to attend UCF? This is just a rough draft, i know there are grammar issues. Any comments or feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much!
Born and raised in Orlando, Florida for my seventeen years, I've been to UCF so many times, I know the campus like the back of my hand. Whether I'm there for the open houses, taking a tour or just being spirited for football games; I feel like I'm already a part of the school. I want to pursue a career in the Business field and what better way to do that than attend one of the best schools in Florida that is well-known for their outstanding Business program? I'm not one-hundred percent sure of what I want to become, but I am one-hundred percent sure UCF can help me figure out what it is I want to do with the rest of my life. Driving by the campus almost all the time, I get this feeling in the pit of my stomach of excitement that i could one day have the honor and pleasure of attending this school. Its so close to home, it might possibly be my home away from home. I truly believe I am destined to go to UCF, when i was elementary school our mascot was a knight. Go figure years later, I want to continue this legacy and become a knight at the UCF. My parents unfortunatley did not get to finish college, but I can however follow in my sisters footsteps and become a knight. I am so ready University of Central Florida, I am going to do some remarkable things at your school. I will leave a changed person and your school will change as well for the better, because of my ideas.
It needs to be 250 words, this is 270 :/
other than the overly intense comma splices, it sounds pretty good!! it could use a little bit more detail though.. remove the splices, juice the crap out of it with some detail, and slap it into the format they want it in! pack your bags your goin to UCF now! haaa
Try not to use a whole lot of contractions. Instead of I've been, use I have been. College-level students are told to use them only when needed, but to also make sure the essay sounds realistic, like during a conversation between people.
I truly believe I am destined to go to UCF, when i was elementary school our mascot was a knight.
I truly believe I am destined to go to UCF because my elementary school mascot was a knight.
