"born in Salinas, California" - application essay

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school- and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

I was born in Salinas, California and I am an only child. It was not easy growing up because most of the time I was by myself and had very few friends. I grew up as a very quiet and timid person. It has hard growing up because I did not have close friends in which I could talk to. My first year in high school was a very hard year for me. I did not have many friends and I was mostly by myself. As time went by, I started making new friends but I was still the same quiet and timid person. This past summer, I worked at a theme park. The experience that I had changed me in a way. I made a lot of new friends and I was not that same quiet and timid person that I was before. I had more self confidence and did not feel alone anymore.

My family has been a big part of my life. My dad has been a big influence on me. He has taught me that everything is possible and that I can accomplish all my goals. Growing up was not easy for me. When I first went to school, I had a lot of trouble because I did not speak English. I did not have friends to help me with my homework and I spent about two hours with my dad just to do one worksheet. He himself did not speak English and really had a hard time. Although it was hard for him, he never gave up and helped me throughout my first two years of school. My mom has also been a big influence on me. She has helped me so much throughout my life, from reminding me to do my homework to making sure I have everything I need. Both of my parents were born and raised in Mexico. When they first arrived in the United States, they had a hard time finding a job and a good place to stay. Despite their difficulties, they managed to take care of me . They have gave me everything that I have ever wanted and have greatly inspired my dream of becoming an aerospace engineer and working for NASA or Boeing. My dad has taken me to NASA tours in where I have had the chance of managing air traffic in a fictional airport display. They have always helped me with everything and have always told me that if I do my best in everything, I can accomplish all my dreams and goals.

Good afternoon :)

I have edited the first paragraph of your piece and made some general comments as well.

"I was born in Salinas, California and I am an only child. It was not easy growing up because most of the time I was by myself and had very few friends. I grew up a very quiet and timid person. It has hard growing up because I did not have close friends in which I could talk to. My first year in high school was a very hard year for me. I did not have many friends and I was mostly by myself.This is very repetitive; rewrite so it is not redundant. As time went by, I started making new friends but I was still the same quiet and timid person. This past summer, I worked at a theme park. The experience that I had changed me in a way. I made a lot of new friends and I was not that same quiet and timid person that I was before. I had more self confidence and did not feel alone anymore."

"...care of me. They have given me..."

The rest of the piece looks very good. Nice job.

Regards,
Gloria
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