I think I see the effect you are trying to have at the beginning, there. You are trying to say that you are not like the many other applicants who may be "born scientists." I am afraid you did not completely make that point, though. I suggest this:
I am not a "born scientist." That is to say, I did not exhibit the qualities of a scientific prodigy, solving scientific problems at a young age or putting together broken toys.
Okay, and the first paragraph focuses on curiosity and willingness to work. However, the three concepts we are dealing with are "drive," "commitment" (to work), and "courage." I think you should specifically refer to drive, commitment, and courage in that first paragraph.
Of late, I have been reading a lot about the idea of replacing semiconductor chips with dna.
Capitalize DNA. More importantly, though, this is a new idea you introduce in this topic sentence, and it has nothing to do with that intro paragraph.
Here is a way to fix the intro:
I have not just evolved naturally, but instead I have been proactive about my evolution, exploring _________, ___________, and ____________. Fill in the blanks with some main ideas from this essay.