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Boston U [Why Boston and Three Words About You]; Needle/ knot/ paper


paranormale 4 / 32  
Dec 30, 2009   #1
Boston U wants to know...

In five or six sentences, tell us how you first became interested in BU and what steps you have taken to learn more about us.

I first learned about Boston University through one of my pen pals in Boston. He understood my interest in international relations and told me BU would be a perfect match for me. I looked into it and lo and behold, BU had much of what I was looking for in a school: a good international relations and political science program, an urban setting and a its very own Quidditch team! What more could I possibly want? Since then I've spent a considerable amount of time pouring over the BU website and pamphlets. My family and I originally planned on visiting the campus over the summer but were eventually unable to. However, I keep in hope in my heart that I'll one day see BU as a student. Until then, my pen pal can just keep sending me pictures...

In an essay of no more than 500 words, please select three words that describe you best and tell us how you will use these qualities/characteristics to contribute fully to the BU community.

What can I say? I, like many other people, don't enjoy talking about myself. I can never decide on what to say. I'm also just as confused as to how to describe myself, in three words no less. English teachers have always told us, "Show, don't tell." in our essays. But just how do I show you who I am with only three words? Regardless! After countless hours of contemplation I finally found words that I feel describe me surprisingly well. I'll admit they're not adjectives, but I feel these words can describe me and my characteristics much better than any adjective could.

Needle. I not much of a seamstress but I am no stranger to the needle. People use it because they want things to be precise, down to the very last piece of loop of thread. That's what needles are about, details, and frankly so am I. I'm one of those people who notice books that are placed incorrectly on shelves and can tell the difference between the colours peach and cream. I have a deep fondness for the smaller things in life, the things that are usually looked over. I believe that when accomplishing a task every aspect of it should be completed, no matter how insignificant it may seem.

Knot. We can all agree that without the knot, mankind would not be where it is right now. By looping string or rope we can fasten things together, makes a secure hold, and create a longer rope. But what has always made knots so valuable are that they're reliable. I'd like to think of myself as a knot, reliable, a person you can trust to get a job done and done well. When assigned a portion of work in a group project, I make it my best effort to get my share done so my group mates won't lose sleep over it. I strive to always do my part wholeheartedly.

Paper. Another important innovation for mankind and it's easy to see why. Paper has so many uses, it's the easiest way to store information, it can be used in packaging and it's occasionally used as food. I liken myself to paper because I'm just as versatile. I am a musician who loves performing the most passionate of music, an athlete who constantly strives for improvement and a news junkie who's idea of a lovely evening is sitting at home watching CNN.

I believe these words showcase my best qualities. Qualities I can use to help others in the BU community. The BU community itself is diverse and unique. I hope to make it even more so, by noticing the small things, being dependable and being flexible. There are many things I can't wait to teach the BU community, and I'm sure, there are countless things the community has to teach me as well.

(477 words)

I'd like to know...
What you thought of it. Please and thank you! :D
mle2010 7 / 38  
Dec 30, 2009   #2
Wow. That is the most innovative BU supplement I have seen yet. Awesome job! They will definitely love your creativity and mastery of the prompt.

t were eventually unable to

Unfortunately I think that's the only correction I have for you.

Again amazing job! Good luck!!
poisonivy 14 / 102  
Dec 30, 2009   #3
Hi paranormale! :)
Few suggestions:
a urban setting
a good international relations and political science program - you say above that it is a "perfect fit" so you cannot say simply "good" now. Replace that with great, fantastic or another synonym

also, isn't it supposed to be 5-6 sentences? yours has 8...you may try any sentence combination to reduce that, even though its probably no big deal.

About the second essay:
What can I say? [...] I feel these words can describe me and my characteristics much better than any adjective could. - I feel this is too long and rambles about the same thing, you could reduce that to one single sentence.

Paper has so many uses
I overall liked this essay, very original :)

Could you please help me in my essay?
OP paranormale 4 / 32  
Dec 30, 2009   #4
Thanks for your suggestions guys!
I'll be sure to revise it. :]
OP paranormale 4 / 32  
Dec 30, 2009   #5
I have returned!!!
With a revision. :]
Luvdance16 5 / 12  
Dec 30, 2009   #6
That was very clever and unique. I have to say your essay is the type of essay that will make someone want to read it twice. well done
AIRanimechiic 2 / 22  
Jan 1, 2010   #7
wow. these are very good. the penpal one is perfect and the concept behind using objects rather adjectives is going to stick out (too many people use things like "creative" blah)

however, the beginning sentences of your intro and conclusion are kind of cheesy and don't match the flow of the rest of the essay. i think that's something you can fix.

We can all agree that without the knot, mankind would not be where it is right now.

i think you can come up with a better sentence than that for the knot section. unfortunately, im sure most people would say mankind could have got without the knot.

can u look @ my BU essay too?
rawrfest 3 / 7  
Jan 1, 2010   #8
the overall essay is pretty good, you just need to expand on how your attributes would contribute to the community, not just saying it helps "diversity" after all its suppose to be half the question right?
JakeK812 3 / 6  
Jan 1, 2010   #9
That was very creative and unique, and a great essay. However you're taking a big risk it could pay off big when they read it, but it could just as likely do the opposite. You don't really pick words that describe you, as the prompt asks, but rather pick words, and then describe why you are similar to those words. It's kind of the reverse of the prompt.
autogunny 3 / 72  
Jan 1, 2010   #10
I loved how you included "it has its own Quidditch team". lol :)

I liked reading your essay, good job!

Wanna edit my BU 3 words also?
bardown13 2 / 9  
Jan 1, 2010   #11
Nice work!. I also enjoyed the little line about Quidditch haha.


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