In an essay of no more than 500 words, please select three words that describe you best and tell us how you will use these qualities/characteristics to contribute fully to the BU community.
This is my essay:
'Hey, look at that, he's running again.' Along the direction that the speaker is pointing to, a big boy was running around the rugby field, exposing himself thoroughly to the burning sun. He seemed to be melted as sweat streamed down from his scalp through his chest and back, though, his swift movements and his swinging arms manifested infinite vitality. The big boy is me and jogging is just my daily exercise.
I was born with a feeble constitution and in my first fifteen years I was really accompanied by various medicine as well as injections. 'The only solution is doing exercise. Strengthen his defensive system.' Doctor once told me. In 2005 I won a scholarship to study in Singapore, I saw this as a precious opportunity. However, my mother, with great concern, was not willing to let me go. 'Your health, son, is my biggest worry.' Finally an agreement was settled after many discussions, which was that I could go to Singapore but I also needed to promise to do exercise every day. So, to keep my promise I started jogging, because I knew that my promise could relieve a mother from her worries about her son across the Pacific Ocean.
However one of the difficulties I had encountered was time limit. School ended at 4:40 every day, to make sure I could do jogging as well as not being late for dinner which began at 6:30 I had to utilize my time effectively. Therefore I made a schedule; from 4:40 to 5:00, I returned to Boarding School; 5:00 to 5:20, newspaper time; from 5:20 I ran for 30 minutes and roughly had a shower at 6:00, then by 6:20, I would sit in the Dining Hall. This plan was pasted on my secretair for four years, and I stuck to it for four years, with no failure. I know that my persistence and time management kept me going, helping me keep the promise.
So, I am a person who is faithful, persistent and managerial. Among all my personal integrities I do always think these three are most important keys for success; not only for my own success but also for the entire BU community. With devoting myself to 'Learning, Virtue, Piety', I believe that I can do more for the new, big family; my faithful manner is likely to make me more friends and, like a bridge, I can introduce my friends to know each other as well. In such a way I can help the school to promote her integrity. In addition my persistence is an essential quality for surmounting difficulties and it also spurs others not to give up easily. Moreover the members in extracurricular activities may think my managerial skills are helpful as I have the ability of organizing everything in perfect trims, increasing the efficiency greatly. 'A genuine leader is not a searcher for consensus but a molder of consensus' Martin Luther King, one of the greatest alumni from BU once said that, while, as being faithful, persistent and managerial, I am confident to be a 'molder' in BU just like Sir Martin suggested.
I think the ending part is kinda weird. Guys I do really really needyour help~ And syntactic error correction is hugely appreciated. Thanks~~~
Lei Hao
I was born with a feeble constitution and in my first fifteen years I was really accompanied by various medicine as well as injections
'The only solution is exercise
which was that I could go to Singapore if I promised to exercise every day.
However one of the difficulties while studying in Singapore I had encountered was time limit
Because school ended at 4:40 every day, I had to use my time effectively so that I could jog and not be late for dinner
Out of all my personal traits I think that these three are the most important keys for success;
Overall I think its a great essay =) You just have to work on grammar and sentence structure. That will probably help you cut down the essay; you are 20 words over the limit.
I'm also writing for BU. Maybe we'll see each other next year :) good luck!
He seemed to be melting as sweat streamed down from...
I was born with a feeble constitution and in my first fifteen years I was really accompanied by various medicines, including orally administered medications as well as injections. ----> separate the 2 halves of a compound sentence with a comma.
Among all my personal attributes , I do always think these three are most important keys for success; not only for my own success but also for the entire BU community.
as I have the ability to organize everything in perfect trims-- sounds better
your first line really grabbed my attention, but you never really specified who said that line.
and i'd suggest you shorten ur last sentence. break it into two, or something.
Guys, PLEASE READ MY ESSAY:
thank you and good luck to you, lei hao.
