Hi! Any opinion and help regarding gramatic, word choice and idea is appreciated! Thank you in advance.
Prompt: How do you think you could enrich CU Boulder's diverse and inclusive community and what do you hope for your college experience?
It is the diversity and the inclusive community of CU Boulder, among other aspects, that makes me believe it is the right fit for me. I fell in love with everything about this campus(and city) once I landed here: its quirkiness, structure, sitting, green environment(I love the mountains!), RTD system, and I never thought I would like to eat food from a cafeteria, but I miss C4C every time it closes due to holidays. [..]
It is the diversity and the inclusive community of CU BoulderCU Boulder's diversity and inclusive community, , among other aspects, that makes me believemake it is the right fit for me. I fell in love with everything about this campus(and city) once I landed here: its quirkiness, structure, sitting, green environment (I love the mountains!), RTD system, and. I never thought I would like to eat food from a cafeteria, but I miss C4C every time it closes due tofor the holidays. That is why I would like to address not only what I would contribute to CU Boulder, but also what CU Boulder has already contributed to me. I could contribute to CU Boulder's diverse and inclusive community by introducing my culture to it, having an active life and brilliant academic work leading me to an exceptional college experience. two sentences, you say you wanted to mention what CU boulder has already given you, but then in this last sentence you tell them what you can give CU boulder.. don't contradict yourself.
I believe that one's culture speaks a lot about someone. With this in mind, I definitely want to proliferate my culture wherever I go how does spreading your culture "speak a lot about someone"? . When I came to Boulder, I was glad to find an Angolan student that came before me but I noticed that there is nothing about my culture or country-specific aspect here. I was very sad when in the welcoming week I saw the flags of some African countries around the Farrand Field but my countries' was not theremine wasn't anywhere in sight. . It made me think that I need to put my country on the map and showing its unique aspects such as dance, music and cuisine on a university campus,is a start to make people acknowledge it more I still don't know which country you're talking about. Angola? . Here at CU, I have so many opportunities to do it through cultural and multi-affairs associations that have frequent events at the University Memorial Center name some of the specific associations; show that you did research about CU Boulder . In addition, I bring with me a native sense of community and familiarity that is identity of my country peers<repetive , which has helped me thrive when building relationships with people from different backgrounds.
An active college life will not only provide me with new experiences, but also allow me to introduce more of myself to the community. At CU, I want to be involved as much as possible, from sports to volunteering and cultural associations. I've always been sportily activeactive in sports and CU will further this aspect of me due tofurther my interest with its wide range of options, beingsome of them my favorites: soccer, swimming, of which I'm a national athlete in Angola, and tennis. I've been swimming professionally in my country for more than 7 years and have been doing it regularly here in Boulder. Hopefully, I will join the Buffalo team. I also had the opportunity to volunteer after the flood, which I witnessed. That was the only time I disliked Boulder weather.I enjoy volunteering, and helping others in my community after the recent flood (the only bad thing about Boulder weather) was a new and enriching experience for me helping others in a larger scale . Therefore, I want to keep doing it, and CU provides me so many opportunities through societies like the VRC.spell out what the VRC is, if you can
I am curious and persistent . I'll always be ready to work hard, pushing through my limits to show how great of an education I'll be given at CU BoulderCU Boulder will give mekeep your verb tense active; avoid passive. GIVE rather than BE GIVEN. . CU carries a research college status that I'm already being able to witness. For instance, I didn't think I'd do a research paper while at the IEC, but I did it and it showed me how great accomplishments I could achieve here. It alsoCompleting a research paper at the IEC showed how much research is valued here, making it the rightperfect place to meet all my goals as an engineering student, while, at the same time, contributing to the university's research plans . spell out the IEC, if you can
To sum up,<stay away from cheesey closing statements, like "In conclusion" etc. Just go straight into your conclusionA s I work to enrich CU Boulder's community, it will also provideI also hope the school will provide me with everything I couldcan hope for a great college experience: a journey of many academic and extracurricular achievements and build ofnew relationships with people from different cultures and backgrounds, thus expanding my horizons and cultural awareness.
Only correcting flow/grammar/ usage errors first. I'll pare down the word count once you have a rewrite.
