"She was bound by IV lines..."- Quest Bridge

Describe an experience that you have had or a concept you have learned about that intellectually excites you. When answering this question, you may want to consider some of the following questions: Why does this topic excite you? How does it impact the way you or others experience the world? What questions do you continue to ponder about it?

She was bound by IV lines to the center of a bleak mattress. I was old enough to understand death, but not intellectually mature enough to grasp the nuances of it. I looked at my great grandmother lying, lifeless and empty. She was the closest person I knew to die. However, I did not feel any indignation because she and I had accepted the fact she was passing. I then asked myself: Why? Not in a sense of questioning my faith; I was questioning the circumstances and exact causes of her death. There were so many questions that could be asked about something as deceivingly simple as a hundred pounds of flesh and water.

To me the concept of medicine and healthcare answers the most perplexing questions and predicts the outcomes of one's life. The only association I had early in my life with medicine were my trips to the doctor. Even there I was amazed at the knowledge and precision that my doctor had. Later on in my schooling, around junior high school, I learned subjects that dealt with life and its processes. Those science classes drew my interests in medicine even further. I was learning about different parts of the body and what they did. Though, it was not until high school when I reached the paramount of my interest in medicine.

In high school, I had an affinity for two particular subjects: Chemistry and Biology. All the nuances in them screamed medicine. Those two subjects fostered my interests enough to cause me to select medicine as my career path. I made my decision known to my family and my teachers and they told me they would support me. During the summer after my Junior year of high school, enrolled in a Nursing Assistant class in order to supplement that path. The class taught me so much. Pretty soon I was searching for diseases and medicines online for fun.

The field of medicine is a complex topic but an exciting one. In my mind it is a big problem solving subject with lots of variables. The goal is to find the definite truth, be it a cure, diagnosis, or symptom.

Hey chadbinghay,

I like the essay. I especially enjoyed the beginning where you connected your passions to medicine to a personal experience. I found some grammar mistakes though and some quips of mine that might help you.

"To me the concept(s) of medicine and healthcare answers(answer)"

The words in the parentheses are the corrections.

"Those two subjects fostered my interests enough to cause me to select medicine as my career path"

In the above sentence I only have question, how? Any average joe could have said the same thing. Identify some nuances of the subject that particularly interest you. These would also show an extensive knowledge of your subject area.

"In my mind it is a big problem solving subject with lots of variables"

This simply sounds unidiomatic. A correction could be something like "In my mind, it is a complex subject with a great number of distinct variables."

Can you please critique my essay? I would appreciate it.

thanks so much! Sure I'll take a look at yours.