Prompt: 1. A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.
At such a historical time, when infinite questions about inclusion, diversity, and equality are still ambiguous, I reflect on myself to explore what it means to me to live in such a time. I was raised in one of the whitest, most upper-class neighborhoods in Colorado Springs and attend the high school where minorities may be less than a hand full of the 1,200 students. The students and teachers call the school's atmosphere and culture the "Cheyenne Bubble" due to the students' exclusion from what is known as the "real world". Life is practical, but much of what I have learned in high school is theoretical. Therefore, in order to fully prepare myself for the real world, I have gathered practical knowledge and different perspectives from my experiences in Brazil.
My first birthday was celebrated in Brazil, as well as my fourth, eighth, and sixteenth, among my fifteen visits. My most recent trip to Brazil was just in time for my sixteenth birthday. Within a few hours, I left the dry, snowy mountains of Colorado and arrived at the humid, green rainforest of Brazil. My mother and I were greeted by family members eagerly waiting for our arrival. We packed our enormous suitcases into the van and begin our two-hour drive to my mother's small hometown, Baldim. As the van jiggled atop the unpaved, rocky streets I embraced the beautiful scenery. Everything was green, as far as I could see, with a splash of the sky blue and glowing yellow, combined to make the national colors of Brazil. I have always loved observing the people walking in the streets instead of being cooped up inside. When we finally arrived at my grandmother's colorfully painted house, aunts, uncles, and cousins emerge to greet us. Although there are many culture shocks I have when I arriving in Brazil, the one that has impacted my life most is
Although I was raised in a restrictive, white neighborhood my experiences in Brazil have led me to realize and find happiness in the small things. When I am in Brazil I notice how the people are so friendly and happy. Their cars may be 30 years old, their house may be infected with bugs, they might have been wearing the same plastic sandals for three years, and their food might be the exact same every day; but despite all of this these people are still happy. Their happiness is not based material objects, it comes from their family, friends, and the most simplistic things in life. Seeing this really makes me reflect on my happiness. When I am unhappy, I always think to myself, somewhere there is someone with a worse situation than me and they are happy.
This is what I have so far...I would greatly appreciate any editing or advice!! Thanks!
Your essay is written very well. The imagery is amazing.
have gathered practical knowledge and different perspectives from my experiences in Brazil.
Are you going to make a reference to the kinds of practical knowledge that visiting Brazil has given you?
As the van jiggled atop the unpaved, rocky streets I embraced the beautiful scenery. Everything was green, as far as I could see, with a splash of the sky blue and glowing yellow, combined to make the national colors of Brazil. I have always loved observing the people walking in the streets instead of being cooped up inside. When we finally arrived at my grandmother's colorfully painted house, aunts, uncles, and cousins emerge to greet us.
This part seems a bit out of place to me.
The conclusion is really good and after you include the details of the culture shock you'll be finished.
Although there are many culture shocks I have when I arrivingarrived in Brazil, the one that has impacted my life most is ... is what? complete the sentence?
A lthough I was raised in a restrictive, white neighborhood my experiences in Brazil have led me to realize and find happiness in the small things.
Their cars may be 30 years old, their house may be infected with bugs, they might have been wearing the same plastic sandals for three years, and their food might be the exact same every day; but despite all of
this these people are still happy.
I'd revise to...
These people were happy no matter if their cars were 30 years old, lived in bugs infected home, wore the same sandals for three years, or even ate the same food everyday. something along this line...
When I am unhappy, I always think to myself, somewhere there is someone
in a worse situation than me;
yet, they are
still happy.
As the van jiggled atop the unpaved, rocky streets COMMA I embraced the beautiful scenery.
^Jiggled is a weird word to use in this case.
Although there are many culture shocks I have when I arriving in Brazil, the one that has impacted my life most is
^Very abrupt with no transition.
Overall, well done.
Please help with mine!
