prompt: Issue of Importance, write about something important to you. This can be personal, social, economical, political, or anything.
This is rough draft, so no grammar checked.
Bboy Hodown.
The auditorium with grey floor and colorful lights was the first stage that I ever performed a break-dance performance. For last 3 years, I went up to that stage with the name of 'O'Style Crew' every year. Especially, in 2008, I and crews finally won the first place out of fourteen teams in school talent show.
The first time that I saw the break-dance performance was 2006, in 'Bboy Hodown'. 'Bboy Hodown' is an international street dance competition. All kinds of street dances like Popping, Bboy (Break-dance), Locking and Hip-hop crews compete in this show. Lots of famous street dancers join this competition as judges or as entries. For my ordinary sense of dance, moves were an epic. Bboys were spinning on the floor, and, poppers were waving and popping their bodies. After the two days of competition, I already admired to be one of them. I started to look for dancers' sessions in Dallas. It wasn't hard to find. Actually, I was amazed of the numbers that I found.
The most interesting style was Popping. Popping is a style that uses muscle and flexibility. There aren't many Popping sessions where I live, so I had to go nearby Dallas Downtown and I met some local popper. They didn't really notice me, but they at least talked with me. "Okay, you pop your muscle like this and you wave like this," said one of the poppers. He moved his body fast and tough and it was amazing me. A few months of Popping practice, I could know that it was a complete mockery. The style called, popping should be done slowly and smoothly as possible.
After a month of sightseeing, I started to learn the foundations. The starting point of popping was easier, simpler than I thought. Popping was all about using muscle and moving balance of body weight. It took about two months to get the least ideas. Then, I could know the reason of the mockery a few months ago. One of poppers told me, "I didn't know that you were gonna keep up this far, because many of beginners give up on their second week." Obviously, I saw some beginners quit in one or two weeks of trying; many of them said, "I am untalented," which doesn't make sense. Before they even try to practice, they quit. Frankly, I still practice the foundations even if I danced for three years.
On first year of dance, I knew about the school talent show. I gathered some beginners and went to the stage. 2007 talent show was the first time that I showed my dance to the big crowds. The show is a human marionette show. Each of crews become a puppet and I become a controller. The puppets use break-dance skill on the lyrical beats by my hand gestures. Practice was hard even we got this idea from Expression Crew, internationally famous Crew. For most of show, crowds were quit; they were concentrating on the show. Frankly, I thought the show was failure at first, but every time we used some powerful movements, crowds responded. After show, I could know how it feel on the stage, the acclaim. Many of teachers asked us for shows, when we showed our abilities. On 2008, I finally made a formal crew, 'O'Style Crew,' and I were elected to be the leader. Most of the crews are an expert on their field, and most of them are Bboy. On same year talent show, I and crews won the first place on the talent show. This time, I saw many people like me, two years ago, came to us and ask for session. Then, I see people who really want to dance and who want to chase the fame. Just like two years ago, I saw some people leave and stay. I didn't teach the people who were full of vanity, because those people will not be able to get through the practice with perseverance.
This year, I will be on the 'Bboy Hodown,' so I can accomlpish my dream.
For my ordinary sense of dance, moves were an epic. Bboys were spinning on the floor, and, poppers were waving and popping their bodies.
I can spin on the floor. Perhaps you should make it sound more impressive.
It wasn't hard to find. Actually, I was amazed of the numbers that I found.
Unnecessary.
A few months of Popping practice, I could know that it was a complete mockery. The style called, popping should be done slowly and smoothly as possible.
I don't understand this.
Your actual lesson learned is buried amongst your descriptions of popping.
No, I don't think this essay is at all cliche. We don't see many essays about break dancing. What needs work is grammar. For example, I notice that you often omit articles (the, a, an) and other words from your sentences. I'll ask everybody to pitch in and help you find your errors. You can make a start on your own by reading your essay aloud to yourself slowly.
For the last 3 years, I went up to that stage with the name of 'O'Style Crew' every year. Especially, in 2008, I and crews finally won the first place out of fourteen teams in the school talent show.
The first time that I saw the break-dance performance was in 2006, in 'Bboy Hodown'.
Lots of famous street dancers joined this competition as judges or as entries.
It was not hard to find.
There are not many Popping sessions where I live, so I had to go nearby Dallas Downtown and I met some local poppers . They did not really notice me, but they at least talked with me.
He moved his body fast and tough and it was amazing to me.
The style called, popping should be done as slowly and smoothly as possible.
Obviously, I saw some beginners quit in one or two weeks of trying; many of them said, "I am untalented," which does not make sense. Before they even try to practice, they quit. Frankly, I still practice the foundations eventhough I danced for three years.
On my first year of dance, I knew about the school talent show.
Each of the crews become a puppet and I become a controller. The puppets use break-dance skills on the lyrical beats by my hand gestures.
For most of the show, crowds were quie t; they were concentrating on the show. Frankly, I thought the show was a failure at first, but every time we used some powerful movements, crowds responded. After the show, I could know how it felt on the stage, the acclaim. Many of the teachers asked us for shows, when we showed our abilities. I n 2008, I finally made a formal crew, 'O'Style Crew,' and I was elected to be the leader.
This time, I saw many people liked me, two years ago, came to us and ask for session. Then, I saw people who really want to dance and who want to chase the fame.
I did not teach the people who were full of vanity, because those people will not be able to get through the practice with perseverance.
I must admit there are some points in the essay where I am confused but the essay was really interesting. I tried to correct as many errors as possible but I'm sure I must have missed some. Have no fear for the others will correct any over-looked errors.
