My prompt: In a 300- 500 word essay please describe the most significant experience in your life. Topics may include, but are not limited to: serious fashion interest and experience, employment, extracurricular activities, and special circumstances.
Should I add or delete anything? I feel like I have too many paragraphs. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance(:
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"This is all so beautiful," I remember whispering, upon entering the stockroom full of breathtaking bridal gowns. I couldn't believe that this is where I was going to be spending my summer. Over the past summer, I got the privilege of working at a bridal shop. I experienced first-hand how hectic a bridal shop can be all the duties and responsibilities that go into running a business.
In 2008, a family friend, Mrs. Ramirez opened a bridal shop. I remember thinking about how cool it would be to work there. Mrs. Ramirez would always jokingly say that maybe when I was older, she would give me a job. A week into summer break, four years later, Mrs. Ramirez offered me a job. I had no idea how eye-opening this experience would be for me.
The night before my first day I was so excited, I could barley sleep. My first job ever was going to be at a bridal shop. I had no idea what to expect, but I knew that I would love working somewhere as glamorous and elegant as a bridal shop.
On my first day of work Mrs. Ramirez told me I would be working as her personal assistant. The job proved to be harder than I thought it would. Keeping up with Mrs. Ramirez was a challenge. She had so many different jobs and tasks for me to do, and I always seemed to be a step behind. At the end of the day I was exhausted and dispirited. Working at a bridal shop would be harder than I thought.
One the second day, Mrs. Ramirez told me that she would be testing me out as a stocker. Immediately my heart sang. Being cramped up in a dusty backroom all day was not my idea of fun. Mrs. Ramirez assured me that I would like it and that it would be a perfect fit for me. I didn't believe her, but I went with it anyway.
Working in the stockroom turned out to be a dream come true. I was also in charge of bringing gowns from the stockroom and putting them on display in the showroom. My responsibilities included opening clothing shipments and organizing them in the stockroom. Working in the stockroom also gave me the opportunity to work closely with wedding dresses. I learned so much about the construction of wedding gowns and learned about new designers that I never heard of. Working in the stockroom really sparked my interest in wedding gowns.
Working at a bridal shop proved to be a great experience for me. I learned how hard is can to not only run a bridal shop, but to work at one. It also taught me about responsibility and sparked my interest in bridal wear.
I feel as if this part is a bit redundant:
On my first day of work Mrs. Ramirez told me I would be working as her personal assistant. The job proved to be harder than I thought it would . Keeping up with Mrs. Ramirez was a challenge. She had so many different jobs and tasks for me to do, and I always seemed to be a step behind. At the end of the day I was exhausted and dispirited. Working at a bridal shop would be harder than I thought .
right dont you think?
and this part too!
Working in the stockroom turned out to be a dream come true. I was also in charge of bringing gowns from the stockroom and putting them on display in the showroom. My responsibilities included opening clothing shipments and organizing them in the stockroom. Working in the stockroom also gave me the opportunity to work closely with wedding dresses. I learned so much about the construction of wedding gowns and learned about new designers that I never heard of. Working in the stockroom really sparked my interest in wedding gowns.
Working at a bridal shop proved to be a great experience for me. I learned how hard is can to not only run a bridal shop, but to work at one. It also taught me about responsibility and sparked my interest in bridal wear.
perhaps you should rephrase it or omit it completely?
